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“Here, wear this,” he says, handing me some clothes as he gets dressed himself.
His hands are around my waist on the elevator ride down. He opens the passenger side of the car for me, carefully closing it afterward.
“Are you okay? Is it too cold? I could turn on the heater if you want,” he says shooting questions and offering possible solutions before I can answer.
“You know we haven’t already taken the test, right? There’s no certainty I’m pregnant, so you don’t have to treat me like this,” I mutter, unable to contain my amusement at his sudden attentiveness.
While Enzo has always been attentive to my needs and the perfect boyfriend, save for the few problems we’ve encountered, right now, he’s even more of those things, overwhelming me with care. The kind of father he’ll be if he allows himself to be free peeks through, and I’m not disappointed with what I see.
We arrived at the doctor’s office; much like the last time, I was in a dilemma.
“So, Miss Jones, have you been eating right?” he asks after he looks through my file.
“Yes, I have. My appetite has been much the same,” I answer.
“Is there anything that has been causing so much stress? Your job, for example?”
“No, doctor, nothing of the sort.” Except you add emotional distress.
“Well, before we look at any other possible reason why you might not be getting your period, why don’t you take the test, so we can rule out pregnancy,” he says with a warm smile, adding the test.
I took it to the restroom. I stand with my chest beating heavily, my breath catching in my throat as I wait for it to show the result. I puff out a breath as I stare at the notifications, coming in from the girls. After we decided to come to the hospital, I filled them in and told them I would keep them updated about whatever it turned out to be. My eyes drift downward to the test strip and my heartbeat increases until I can see the vein pulsing in my arm.
Positive.
16
Enzo
My heart beats nervously as I wait for her to return with the verdict. The moment I heard the girls talking about being pregnant, all I could feel was a mix of excitement and fear - it's been on my mind nonstop.
I’d brushed it out of my mind because the last thing I want is to make her feel even worse by showing signs that might be construed as fear. My fear isn’t because I’m ready to be a father. Although I always wanted a big family, I never gave it much thought while we dated because I knew where she stood on the subject.
I knew immediately I was ready to do anything and stay by her side, being a father to my baby. I crack my knuckles nervously as I wait. My mind runs a mile a minute as fear fills me once again.
What if the child isn’t mine? What am I supposed to do then?
After my last embarrassing altercation with her other guys, I know now they love her almost as much as I do, which means whoever the father is — if there’s a child — will probably want to be in the picture and the rest of us will be forced to admit defeat and move on without her.
I shudder at the thought. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, one has no business being there. Yet, a certain part of me is excited, filled with hope at the other alternative: the prospect of fathering a child with her. I promise to stick around even if the baby isn't mine.
I clamp down as my imagination runs wild, and I picture my child running around the lawn as we play. There is an opportunity to keep her, especially if the baby turns out to be mine. There’ll be no more worries about her leaving me for any of the other guys. I’ll no longer need to share her with any of them.
My lips wobble as I try to hold back a smile. Although a small part of me panicked at the thought of being a father when I hadn’t planned for it, it was almost inconsequential. I frown. Although I’ve done things I wasn’t particularly proud of in the past, this somehow seems like the worst of them all. I can never utter these thoughts out loud, not even to my dearest friend, Michael.
After the fucked-up situation I was in the middle of with her other boyfriends the last time, this would only make the fiasco seem like a piece of cake. Baby trapping is the most destructive thing I could think about doing right now, especially when it hasn’t even been confirmed yet she’s pregnant. But it’s the only way I can guarantee her staying in my life for good.
My thoughts shame me. Alessia and Kelly would kill me if they ever find out what I’m thinking in this precarious time. Even Father, who’s done a lot of drastic deeds to make sure things go his way. Would be extremely disappointed when he finds out about it.
Perhaps it’d be better to let things play out the way they’re supposed to. I run my hands over my face, knowing there’s no way I’ll be doing it. It’s been six months since we started dating; it’s obvious to everyone who cares to listen she has more feelings for me than for the rest of the guys.
“So, why hasn’t she given them up yet? Why is she still seeing them?” I ask, not realizing I’d spoken out loud until the doctor looks at me with confusion.
“I’m sorry?” he says.
“Oh, it’s nothing. I was only speaking to myself,” I say, clearing my throat, feeling embarrassed.
He nods and goes back to his papers as we wait. Everything about the situation I’m in makes me mad with jealousy and anger… and now, with desperation. I’d seen my friends in love and laughed at the stupidity of allowing such an emotion to render them helpless and overwhelm them so much. Yet, here I was, definitely in love and doing the craziest of things.
