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The thought fills me with hope. Maybe things will be better after all. Movement from the corner of my eyes catches my attention and I follow it, stopping short at the sight in front of me. From the moment I decided to see her, I hadn’t thought about how I would feel when I did. There had been no doubt in my mind I would love her no matter what.
My chest tightens painfully as I’m greeted with the sight of her with a toddler in her arms. She laughs at what he’s said while holding a garden weeder in her other hand. My mind struggles to make sense of what I’m witnessing. I came up with many reasons, the most likely is the child is Jenna’s.
I walk forward until the child is in clear focus. He appears to be over a couple of years old. He giggles, throwing his head to the side, making it possible for me to see him. His curly dark hair and chubby face are a replica of me as a child, the only difference being his light blue eyes.
I stand, frozen in shock as my mind tries to come to terms with what I’m seeing. How is this possible? Kelly turns in the moment. Her eyes widen and her hands tighten around the boy as she stares at me. Her eyes are the same as his. There’s only one explanation for all this and yet, the only thing I can think of is how.
“Enzo?” she gasps.
I look at her and the child- my child. She said she lost the child just before she disappeared from my life. I breathe deeply. My throat clogs up and I feel lightheaded. I struggle to stay on my feet despite the overwhelming urge to sink to my knees in despair. She had lied to me.
She had told me she had lost the child; however, I had been too focused on myself and how I felt I hadn’t taken the time to make sure she was okay. I hadn’t even taken her to the hospital myself.
Instead, I had done the worst thing by picking a fight and accusing her of so many things. No wonder she had run away from me. No wonder she’d lied about a miscarriage just to get away from me. I had been severely unfit to be a father or partner. Does mean Alessia knew about this?
It would make sense that she knew. There was no way Kelly would have done this without the support of her friends. They were always partners in each other’s affairs. Kelly had tricked me with their help.
“Enzo…” she calls out. I look up at her, uncertain whether to be happy or sad.
On the one hand, I have a child. I gasp. I’m a dad. The realization is like a punch to the gut. I’m a dad. I mouth the words, with Dad sounding strange on my lips. I didn’t realize coming here was going to amount to this surprise.
The thought saddens me as I’m hit with another realization. I have missed out on two years of my child’s life because of how terrible I was to his mother. Those were two years I could’ve spent taking care of both of them, but I wasn’t able to do so.
I look at the boy who’s staring at me with curiosity. He looks between me and his mother. I offer him a smile, taking a small step forward, but his hand tightens around her as he tries to get away from me. I blink away the sudden heat in my eyes. I’m a stranger to him. A stranger he wishes to get away from. He should’ve been running to me, his face filled with excitement as he called me daddy. Instead, he does the exact opposite.
Happiness fills me. For years, my reaction to the news of Kelly’s miscarriage and the what-ifs the baby had been alive and well has haunted me. Now, I can make up for it. I can be present in his life and be a wonderful dad.
No longer will he be a means to hold onto his mother and stop her from seeing other men; but now, he’ll be the son I want. I love him just as much as I love his mother… because I’ve dreamed of having a family that includes him.
A feeling of betrayal overshadows the joy in my heart. While I understand why she had done what she did, it doesn’t take away from the fact I have missed so much. I wasn’t there as he grew in her womb. I wasn’t there for her cravings and many of those things happen during pregnancies. I certainly wasn’t there for his birth, his first words, the first time he crawled and walked… or for any other of the monumental events I have missed out on.
I bat away the mixed feelings that threaten to overtake me, take a deep breath, and smile.
“What are you doing here, Enzo? How did you–” She shakes her head. “Of course, you know where I live. I’m surprised it took you this long to find me.”
I remain silent as I try to stabilize my emotions.
“I think we have a lot to talk about?” she questions, raising a brow.
I nod. “Um, yeah.”
She nods in return and caresses the boy- our child. She gestures with her head to the front of the house where I had come from.
I came back because I wanted to be with her. Although things are not going the way I had imagined, not I could ever imagine it properly, this is even more reason for me to be with her.
There are so many feelings in my head I need to figure out, but now is not the time for reflection. For now, I’ll go in and prove I’m a better man, and we can work it out as a family. For our family's sake.
I follow her into the house, ready for whatever comes next.
27
Kelly
Ever since I became a mom, very little has shocked me. Camillo has opened my eyes to much of the world that had remained hidden from me. I’ve had to do things I did not think would be possible; yet, turning to see Enzo standing there is a huge shock. A part of me knew this day would come. It was only a matter of time It is shocking how I managed to speak with him as though he had only been gone a few hours as opposed to the years.
I imagined how I would react when I finally saw him. A part of me had been excited every time I saw those beautiful eyes staring back at me. Another part had been resigned and defensive. He was about to get the shock of his life, finding out about a child he thought hadn’t made it after all.
I feel none of the emotions I assumed I would feel. I’m in shock, and my mind refuses to pick up on anything else. I can’t tell whether it is a good shock or a bad one, choosing instead to ignore it as I navigate the conversation methodically, much like I’d planned from the very beginning.
