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“It’s okay,” Seth said. “Just rest.”
But Raider couldn’t. He turned his head and looked out at the desert. “The heat’s easing. We should go.”
“We’re here for the night,” Seth said.
“I don’t think I can get back to sleep anyway. We might as well—”
“We might as well get you cleaned up. There’s a bucket of water for you. Then you can rest again.”
When Raider started to object, Seth said with finality, “You don’t have to sleep to rest.” He added, “I need rest too.”
At that, Raider sighed in defeat.
Seth brought the leather bucket and washcloth to him. After Raider had washed his face, Seth took the cloth from him and dipped it into the water.
When Raider tried to take it back, Seth said, “Let me. Please.”
Goddamn it. Why did Seth have to do this kind of thing? It was different from sex, different from casual touch. Raider was comfortable with both of those, wanted both of those. He wanted this too but …
It was getting complicated. More so every day.
Seth had been right from the start—and Raider had been a fool. But it was already too damn late. Because Raider wanted Seth to kneel beside him. Which Seth did. And he wanted Seth to gently scrub the cloth over his chest and shoulders. Which Seth did.
Seth refreshed the cloth then pulled Raider into him as he scrubbed the back of his neck. Seth must have felt Raider’s eyes squeeze shut against his shoulder because Seth closed his arms around him.
For a moment, Seth simply held on. Then he asked gently, “What happened?”
Raider’s heart skipped. Seth wasn’t talking about the dream. “You promised not to ask.”
“I know,” Seth acknowledged as he used the damp cloth to sweep sweat and grit from Raider’s back.
Raider pulled away. He couldn’t handle Seth’s gentleness, not right now, not in this context. Raider drew up his left knee and hooked his arms around it. His right leg hurt too damn much to draw in, so he had to leave it extended. He didn’t like it though, how it made him feel exposed. Vulnerable.
Seth gave Raider his space, even though it was clear Seth didn’t like it. His hands twitched then curled on his thighs, one still holding the washcloth.
Soft but insistent, Seth said, “You must remember something.”
Raider’s heart skipped again. He had known Seth wouldn’t be able to keep his promise to leave this subject untouched. It wasn’t in Seth’s nature. And sex had changed things, as Seth had said it would.
The problem was … Raider didn’t want to lie to Seth. He hated it. He wanted to tell him the truth. He wanted to tell Seth everything.
But he couldn’t.
So he stared at his drawn-up knee and gave what he could. “Only pieces. I don’t know how they go together.”
“Memory can be confusing. When it’s old. When it’s from something you … don’t like.”
Seth’s tone was heavy, and it made Raider look up at him. Raider didn’t press, but he hoped Seth would tell him what he meant.
And Seth did, though it took him a moment. He let out a shaky breath. His eyes unfocused. Then he started to speak.
“The last memory I have of my mother is running with her through a bazaar. I was maybe eight or nine years old. Some men were after us. They chased us into a dirty alley. I remember the way she shoved me behind her. I remember her scream. And I remember how warm her blood was when it splattered my face.”
Raider sucked in a breath. Shit. Whatever he’d been expecting to hear, it wasn’t that.
“By some divine chance, a Curator had witnessed our flight and followed. Marcus, as I came to later know. I don’t recall Marcus killing those men. I just remember them lying dead around me and my mother. Then him kneeling in front of me. It’s a blank after that, like I wasn’t there, even when we buried her. Something so important, and I can’t find it in myself. I can almost feel it, the truth, the moment, but it’s just beyond my reach.
“Anyway. Marcus took me to Masir University and I became a ward of the Arcanum. It’s been my home ever since.”
