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“We’re figuring it out,” she said, taking a sip.
“Okay,” I said, struggling not to feel annoyed. “That’s not an answer.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you. It’s been a process, especially since, according to my dad, Shane robbed my dad and then skipped town. I honestly have no answers. It’s all assumptions, and I’m not in the mood to dwell on or talk about it. I think you already know it’s pointless to talk about shit when you have no control over the situation and no idea what’s going on.”
“You have no idea,” I said, my eyes meeting her serious ones.
“What the fuck does that mean?” she questioned.
I was in no mood to argue. I just missed her and wanted to fucking have her with me.
“It’s nothing. If you don’t want to talk about stressful shit right now, I won't press you to.” I turned away from her, putting the bottle away before coming back and pulling her into the circle of my arms. I wasn’t backing down from her. I fucking needed this woman. I inhaled her scent and wrapped my arm around her waist, drinking her in. “I’ve missed you so damn much, baby. It sucks not having you in my bed every night.”
She gave a dry, disingenuous chuckle before extricating herself from my arms. “Oh, relax. I was just here the other day.”
“Feels like it’s been longer.” The annoyance had officially given way to burning anger, and I came around the island to face her. “What the hell is going on with you?”
“Nothing,” she said with as much irritation in her voice as I had in mine.
“Why are you so closed off with me?”
“I’m not,” she insisted, to which I could only roll my eyes.
“Call me fucking crazy, Nat, but I thought us saying we love each other and what we had in London meant something.”
“It did; I mean, it does. And me not staying with you every night doesn’t mean jack shit,” she retorted, her cheeks flaming. “It could just mean I have a ton of work in the morning, and I like my own bed. Have you ever thought that might be what’s different from our relationship in London?”
“You weren’t complaining about how much work you had when riding me at the crack of dawn every day and still going to work afterward. Before your brother arrived, of course,” I said, not knowing where the words had come from. “All that sex didn’t seem to hurt your work performance then, did it?”
“Jesus,” she said, stepping back and running her nails through her hair. “Suddenly, I’m reminded why I avoided doing this relationship shit for so many years.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“That I could get what I wanted from a man without all the fucking drama of a relationship.”
The words sent a bolt of lightning through me, but I did my best not to let her see how hurt I was by her words.
“Drama? Oh, you mean the shit that comes with being in a relationship?” I asked. “A relationship you seemed pleased about before we stepped off that goddamn jet.”
We stood there, silently measuring each other before she finally stood up.
“This isn’t worth it,” she said. “I’m going home.”
I didn’t say a word as the door closed behind her, feeling as though my chest had been caved in with an ice pick. I may have softened up a bit to try out this relationship, but I’d be goddamned if I’d chase a woman who wants nothing to do with me.
That is one tune I’d never sing.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
NAT
It was bullshit—all of it.
Once I got home, I filled up my oversized bathtub and spent a good two hours asking myself what in the world was wrong with me; why did I have these stupid hang-ups all over again? I booked myself a massage for the next day, but all the massages and bubble baths in the world couldn’t mask that I was playing an avoidance game with Spencer again.
That wasn’t true; I wasn’t playing any games with him anymore.
I couldn’t blame the man for being annoyed with me. Hell, I was annoyed with myself, and I couldn’t see a way through other than to just keep working. I would not dwell on things I found negative about myself. There was no way I would fall into self-loathing bullshit, either. I was precision-focused on putting my mental health first. If the world around me went up in flames, then let it fucking burn.
