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“Until he didn’t come back to you, yes?”
“Exactly,” I sighed.
“Listen, enough of my parables. I just want you to know that you’re a great gal, and I hope this doesn’t get you down for too long. And not just because we don’t want to lose you on staff, kid,” he laughed. “I saw how you two were in Aspen, and I don’t want this to crush you.”
“It already is crushing me.”
“I want you to remain focused on how much worse it could’ve been if John had insisted on dragging you into a family that, it’s obvious, he’s too fucking spineless to stand up to. For Jim to get that letter of resignation, knowing how cunning that family has already proven themselves to be, then John is allowing his parents to run his life. As mad as I am at the dumb bastard, I feel sorry for him. Living to impress your parents is a wasted life.”
“I don’t think that’s what he’s doing, though. It can’t be, right?”
“Well, none of us would know, would we? He fell off the face of the Earth with no reason to resign, and his family is one to stay out of the headlines, so I don’t think anyone will ever know. You won’t have closure, and it will fuck with you because I could tell you two were in the best stages of falling in love.”
“Pretty much.”
“Very calculated, I would say, and I’m sorry you fell victim to a family like that.”
“Well, like I said, I didn’t think John was anything like them.”
“A family that takes that much pride in themselves has enough skill to get him to do what he was born and raised to do. Serve the fucking family.”
“Then, I’m glad that’s not my future,” I said, pissed.
“I am, too. He loved you, Mickie. I saw it in his eyes, so if you’re miserable, know he feels even worse.”
“That should make me happy, but it doesn’t.”
“Look, anyone who can’t think for themselves and still need Mommy and Daddy’s approval will never be happy. He’ll be just as miserable as they are. That shit goes through generations, you know? Generational misery. Each child is paying some debt of servitude to their family. It’s why my brother and I are thankful that a good, honest, and humble man raised us. He didn’t do shit like that. He wanted Jim and me to grow up and live happy lives.”
“Well, Ashley’s got herself a great man,” I said, standing up and stretching. “I need to get out of here. Sorry, I don’t have more info for you on John. Jim knew more than I did.”
“Remember what I said. Sometimes, things don’t work out for a reason. Be glad you dodged the bullet with John and his family. Now,” he said, standing to join me as I left the office, “if John comes back and makes things right by you, that means he told his family they could fuck off. If the dipshit does that, then I’ll gladly give my nod of approval.”
“That’s good to know,” I shouldered my purse after hanging my lab coat on the rack. “Now I need to get out of here. Incidentally, I’m meeting Ash and Avery for dinner.”
Jake smiled, “Hopefully, they’ll cheer you up. They love making fun of us trust-fund babies. They find a way to give hope where hope is lost.”
“Well, I’m not looking for hope. I’m just looking to keep myself distracted, so I don’t think about this shit when the world goes quiet all around me.”
“Hey, Mickie?” Jake called as I walked out ahead of him.
I turned.
“I really think you should pursue that degree.”
“I’ll kick it around. For now, I’m just trying to get through another day, trying to figure out how this bomb blew up in my face and I lost the man I love.”
I walked out of the office more depressed than before that John had disappeared as if I had never meant anything to him. Nothing.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Mickie
You know that feeling when you bounce around with your emotions, sometimes making you angry, sick, nauseous, anxious, depressed, sad, annoyed…you name it? I was dealing with that, and these feelings were moving around as if each beat of my heart was circulating them one by one, propelling them through my system for my mind to process, and it was making me feel like I was going insane.
It was even more brutal than when I ended my engagement, which didn’t make sense. My relationship with John was short-term, based on fantastic sex, laughter, jokes, silly situations that made me happy and not stressed…everything good.
But that’s not what a real relationship is, right? Those relationships meant going deep into emotional intimacy and communicating about uncomfortable things, working through financial hardships, and learning to grow closer through them instead of allowing them to tear you apart. Fighting over what would be for dinner and who would cook it after you both worked all day and were too tired to eat, much less cook. These are the things that normal couples work through together. Sometimes it tore them apart, and sometimes it brought them closer together.
