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She shakes her head in sympathy and rubs my back. “Don’t blame yourself for anything that happened with him. That’s part of his gaslighting, making you think that things were your fault. Listen, he’s physically attractive and he has that charm that all successful sociopaths do. He was in a position of power and authority, and he abused it. We never, never victim-blame.”
She pulls me into a long, hard hug. “If anything, I blame myself. It’s my job to protect you. I should have been there for you.”
“You didn’t know. You can’t protect me if you don’t know what you’re protecting me from. I should have just told you.” Rowan releases me, and I sniffle and wipe at my nose with my sleeve. “That was a really incredible thing for Paxton to do for me.”
“It was,” she agrees. “He’s a pretty incredible guy all around.”
“Mason, come in here,” Rowan yells. Mason joins us on the couch, and Rowan hands him the paperwork.
“Paxton found a copy of Ruby’s poem from years ago, that she published on a public website.” Mason starts reading through each page. “We got him,” she says. “We are hiring a lawyer to represent Rowan, and we’re going to file an official complaint.”
He looks at Rowan and makes a pouty face. “So I don’t get to go ham on that shit-heel?” He clenches a fist. He’s got scars on his knuckles.
Rowan shakes her head. “I’d love to see someone rearrange his pretty face, but we don’t want to make him into a martyr. We don’t want anyone to sympathize with him for getting beaten up by a big bad jock twice his size. We want to use the legal system to reduce him to pulp.”
“I am a big bad jock, aren’t I?” Mason grins at Rowan.
“You’re my big bad jock.” They give each other ridiculously sappy grins, and I’m so happy for my sister. The two of them are so sweet, they’re like walking diabetes.
“There’s another girl named Marie who I’ve been talking to, who he also had an affair with. She told me that if I file a complaint, she’ll back me up,” I add.
“Another one? That piece of shiznit!” Rowan’s eyes blaze with anger. “You know what? Maybe sometimes violence is the answer.”
“A lot of times.” Mason nods in agreement. “It’s served me well in my career.”
“No,” I say loudly. “You were right the first time, Rowan. He doesn’t get to play the pity card. Eff him. Also, bruises and broken bones heal. But the loss of his career, reputation, and access to vulnerable young girls that he can fuck with? That will never heal.”
“She’s unfortunately right. The legal route is the best way to go, in this case.” Rowan makes a sour face. She picks up the papers and looks at them again.
“Paxton did all this for you.”
“Yes. It’s incredible, isn’t it?”
“More specifically, Paxton is incredible. And he’s crazy about you. And you’re crazy about him. So what’s the problem?”
“I am the problem.”
Rowan looks me straight in the eye. “So what are you going to do about it?’
“Run for the hills?” I say weakly, trying to make a joke. She shakes her head. “Rowan, I’m so bad at relationships. Look at the people that I choose.”
“You dated one narcissist, who is very good at seducing women, and you learned from the experience. Do you think that one bad relationship dooms you for your entire life? You’re going to let the professor ruin any chance of romance, ever?”
I grimace at the thought. “No. And it’s more than the professor, of course. I know I’m using him as an excuse. I guess... I grew up craving the love and attention of a woman who would never fully be there for me. And then she died. And then my dad died. And I just felt like needing anyone, wanting anyone, leads to heartbreak. I mean... what if I let myself love Paxton and something happens to him?” My voice rises in hysteria.
“You do already love him, and if you are going to live your whole life avoiding any kind of attachment because of ‘what if,’ you will end up curled up alone in a cabin in the middle of the woods. I know all about being scared of loss. It was hard for me to let Mason in, too.”
“But so worth it,” Mason, who’s been just sitting there nodding sympathetically, throws in.
Rowan pats his arm in a distracted fashion. “Yeah, yeah, this isn’t about you right now, babe. Love you. Anyway, Ruby, Paxton is genuinely a great guy, and he adores you, and you adore him, and you guys have off-the-charts chemistry.”
“We do?” I blink at her. “You can see it?”
“Good lord. They can see it from the space station. Distant galaxies can see it,” Rowan laughs, and Mason nods in agreement.
I clench my hands into fists and then release them. “But... I keep chasing him away. What if he’s sick of it?”
“While you guys were in here looking over the papers, he called me,” Mason interjects. “He asked if you were okay. He asked if you had looked at the papers. He wanted to know if he should order you a birthday cake from a real bakery and have it delivered here.”
