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"I guess we gained a reputation. In the last deployment, we had to move the hospital twice because our location was compromised. We had a few guys transferring out that morning with an escort, and my patient and I had been talking. He knew a few people I was in boot camp with, so it was a fun time for us to catch up. I lost track of time and wasn't where I was supposed to be when we were bombed. I was safe on the other side of the base. He and I both ran to help, and... We lost so many people that day, and I should have been one of them." I say the words that have been circling my head.
In an instant, he has me flipped onto my back and pinned to the bed.
"Don't say that! You were exactly where you were supposed to be. The Universe kept you there for a reason. It wasn't your time. How many did you save while you were still injured?" he asks.
"Five, before a beam fell, crushing my leg," I choke out as my eyes burns.
"If you weren't on the other side of the base, those five would have died, too. You wouldn't be here at Oakside, and I wouldn't have found the person I was missing. I wouldn't have fallen for you," he whispers.
Even if I tried, I can't stop the tears. He leans in and gently kisses them away.
"I get the guilt. I wish I could say it will go away, but I'm not sure it completely does. We just learn to live with it. You still get nightmares?" he asks.
I just nod.
"Me too," he says.
He lies back down and pulls me in tight to his side. If there is one person who knows what I'm feeling, it's Jake.
I just need to let him in.
Chapter 9
Jake
I screwed up. I shouldn't have slept with Kassi before I got a chance to talk to my brother. I don't regret it for one moment, but yesterday it made me realize that I have fallen in love with her.
Then, of course, I had to go tell her. But her story ripped my heart out. I can't even think about her not being here with me. I'd lose my goddamned mind. Taking a deep breath, I try to call my brother again. It doesn't ring but goes straight to voicemail.
Fuck.
Instead, I do the next best thing and get in the car to talk to my mom. She has good days and bad days, so she needs more care now. My brothers and I have all made sure it is in the best place she can be where she has the freedom that she wants and supervision that keeps me and my brother's mind at ease.
They all know me and Atticus here, and as I walk in the door, he heads right to the ladies that he knows have treats for him. After he’s greeted them, we go to my mom's room.
"Jake! Did I know you were coming?" she asks as she gives me one of her warm, soft hugs that ooze love.
"Not unless you suddenly have powers to tell the future because I didn't know I was coming until about half an hour ago," I say as we go to the couch in her little living area.
Once we’re sitting, she stares at me, a frown on her face, and I almost wonder if she knows what I have to say before I say it.
"Is everything okay, my boy?" She asks with so much concern that I suddenly have to spill my guts to her.
"I screwed up, Mom, and I don't know what to do."
"Well, baby, two heads are better than one. Tell me what's going on, and let's see if we can figure out a way to get you out of it."
"The problem is, I don't necessarily want to find my way out of it. What I want to do is find a way to not piss off Caden."
"Uh oh, what did you do?"
"I ran into his ex, Kassi, at Oakside, and we got to talking and catching up. That turned into me visiting her more and more every day. And before I knew it, I had real feelings for her. I tried to contact Caden, but his phone was off, and I swore I would not go any further with her without talking to him. But last night changed everything. When I tried to call him again this morning, his phone is still off."
"He's at some training because his unit is getting ready to deploy in a couple of months. Can you put everything on hold until you can talk to him? You should be able to hear from him in a week or so."
"Kassi has been through a lot since Caden, and I'm worried that if I pull back now, I'm going to lose her. She is at Oakside because she joined the army and was injured. The last thing she needs is losing a part of her support system."
That seems to get my mom's attention.
