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“At your service.” I place two mugs on the bar and hunker down on my elbows across from where he sits.
“Good man. So, tell me. What happened?”
I shoot him my most irritated look, and he squints as though preventing it from penetrating. Slapping a hand against the back of my neck, I sip my coffee. It’s too hot, but the burn feels good on my throat. It’s freezing in here, a sharp contrast to the warming day.
“She had to deal with some family stuff in Berkeley. I thought she’d be back, but it’s been radio silence. Now, I don’t fucking know.”
He sips his coffee thoughtfully. “Well, that must drive you nuts.”
“Meaning?” Of course it drives me nuts, but I gather there’s more to his observation.
“You like to control everything. Not like this is news.”
No, it’s not.
“Your point?”
“I fucking hate these shoes,” he says, unlacing the Hokas and pulling them off his heels. They drop to the floor. “I’m going back to my old shoes. Shouldn’t have tried to fix something that wasn’t broke.” His voice loses some of the gruffness as he admits his misstep, and it’s so unfamiliar I’m not sure how to respond.
“But I think the opposite is true for you.”
“I’m not following.”
He nods. “Don’t go back to your old habits. You’re good with her, easier to be around, that’s for sure. In your case, she’s a fix for something that really was broken. Hang on to her.”
I huff a laugh at his too-little-too-late advice. “Thanks, but she’s not here to hang onto.”
“That’s just today. Have some faith in people.”
He swivels on his stool and kicks his feet like Fiona does, and for a moment, I forget he’s my stoic older brother, and I see a guy who’s just trying to make sense of the world like I am. Maybe it’s part of what I’ve always gotten wrong about him—seeing him one way when there’s more to it.
“She’s not Annabelle,” he says.
“I know that.”
“I’m saying, don’t be so worried things will end the same way that you sabotage things in order to make sure you’re right.”
“Wow, therapist much?”
“Tell me I’m wrong.” He waits. I don’t tell him a damn thing. “I’ve been watching you ever since you took over the financial mess we inherited from Dad. It’s changed you.”
I shrug. “People change.”
“Nah, they don’t. You’re still you, but you’re sinking under the weight of something you can’t control. When Ruby came along, I saw the weight lift, and it was a beautiful thing. And now the weight is back.”
I drain the last of my coffee, and the caffeine boosts my mood. Or maybe it’s the feeling that someone understands what’s been plaguing me without my having to articulate it. Yeah, maybe it’s that.
“I don’t want the weight back. I want her. But I can’t risk loving her if she has one foot out the door. I’d never do that to Fi. She’s been through enough.”
“She has.” He nods thoughtfully. “So have you. I think you can allow yourself to risk a little bit, give up control a little bit. Maybe you’ll surprise yourself.”
“How’d you get so damn wise all of a sudden?”
“Running. I told you. Invest in some shoes. Asics are the best.” He slid off the stool and took his coffee with him, calling out behind him, “Better yet, I’ll buy you a pair. I know your size.”
ChapterThirty-Four
Ruby
