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He takes a sip of his coffee and puts the cup on the table in front of him. “No, not that.” He waits as though it’s a game.
“Am I supposed to keep guessing?”
“PJ, the guy is in love with you, and he’s a wreck about how he ended things. He’s…I’ve never seen him like this. It’s worrisome.”
“What do you want me to do?” I’m still not understanding because Colin didn’t mince words. “He said we were nothing. He’s right.”
“He fucked up.”
“So why can’t he tell me himself?” My voice pitches up, but I can’t help it. “He sends you as his emissary? And you just…take orders?” It doesn’t seem like Archer. Then again, they’ve been friends for a long time, and maybe I don’t know anything about either one of them.
Archer gets up from the couch and paces around the room. I like him better like this. He has so much energy it actually feels weird to see him sitting down. “He didn’t ask me to talk to you. In fact…he asked me not to.”
“I’m confused. Are you here to tell me that, once again, I screwed something up?” Even though I don’t really care, I still sort of care a little bit. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
“PJ, I don’t think you’re a screwup. Get that out of your head.”
“Ha!” It comes out of my mouth as more of a noise than a word. It’s a gasp of disbelief because he can’t be serious. “I call bullshit. All you’ve ever done for my entire life is treat me like the little kid who doesn’t belong at the grown-ups’ table. We’re only ten years apart. I work my tail off for the vineyard, and I’m good at my job. And all you see is a screw-up who’s not good enough for your friend.”
Archer’s chest puffs up as he inhales a deep breath. I half-expect him to yell when he lets the air out because I’m still so confused about this conversation. “It was never about you not being good enough for my friends. You’ve got it backward.”
It takes me a minute to do the math and figure out what he’s saying. I’m still looking blankly at him when he elaborates. “He’s not good enough for you. None of them are.” Archer looks ready to murder the next man who comes in the door and looks twice at me. I’m familiar with the look, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Something funny?”
“The expression on your face.”
“I always assumed it was because you thought I was doing something wrong by flirting with your friends.”
He relaxes a tad. “At some point, it was. But PJ…that’s when we were kids. It’s not the case anymore. Not at all. Now it’s about them not being good enough for you. End of story.”
“Even a hot astrophysicist who’s your best friend?”
Archer shrugs. “What can I say? I have high standards. But I’ll make an exception for him.”
My chest feels tight from the surge of emotions. I don’t know if it’s because I misunderstood my brother’s motives all these years or because he’s giving me a sign of encouragement about Colin. Not that it’s up to him…
“He was pretty clear about where he stands. I’m a distraction.”
Archer shakes his head. “That was a lifetime of thinking about the world one way. He’s working on changing it.”
I love hearing it, but I still have my doubts. People don’t change so easily. “I really hope you’re right. But I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“I know. You’re smart that way.” Archer stands. “Just make sure you’re not so locked into your own way of thinking that you don’t allow something new.”
With that, he’s out the door, leaving me with his instructions and a new view of myself. And the realization that maybe the problem all these years hasn’t been how my siblings see me—it’s how I see myself.
Chapter
Thirty-One
Colin
I know I’m taking a risk. Fortunately, this is not new territory for me.
In the weeks since I last saw PJ, my mind has emptied of the very thoughts that drove me to build AstroTech into what it is today. It’s strange to think about a single person more than I think about the mysteries of the universe, but I chalk it up to one mystery of the universe I may never understand completely. Even if it’s the only thing I know for sure—I want this woman more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
More than I wanted to build a multibillion-dollar company. More than I wanted to explore the far reaches of space. More than anything.
