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All at once, he shot upright, his eyes wild as he clutched his chest. When his gaze landed on her, the confusion and fear drained from his face, replaced by chagrin.
“Oh, man,” he said, rubbing his face with his hands. “Jesus, I’m sorry, Ellen. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
She curled into him, putting her head on his chest. His heart was still beating fast. Lifting her head to see his face, she said, “Tell me, Damon. Tell me what it is that continues to haunt your dreams. Maybe if you share it, you can loosen its grip.”
He attempted a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Oh, it’s noth—” he began. But then he cut himself off. “No. It’s not nothing. It’s…” He blew out a breath. “I want to tell you. I can’t demand your trust and not give it to you in return.”
Gently, he pressed her head back to his chest. She understood this would be easier for him if he didn’t have to face her as he shared. She wasn’t afraid to hear it, whatever it was. She would be there for him, no matter what, if he would just let her in.
For a long moment, Damon said nothing. Ellen remained still and quiet, as if he were a wild animal who might bolt at any moment.
Finally, he said, “These nightmares. They always center around a particular mission. It was my last assignment in special ops, right before I retired from the military.” He blew out a breath, as if girding himself to continue.
“I can’t share the specific details because it’s still classified, but we were going after an extremist terrorist organization that had a well-fortified enclave in a remote desert region. The goal was to take out their leader—a precision assault to neutralize a high-value target, as they say in military jargon. It was the culmination of months of intelligence gathering and planning.”
He paused again, his body tensing beneath hers. Ellen placed her hand over his heart and pressed gently, letting him know without speaking that she was there; she was listening.
“So, everything was going according to plan. We were in, the target located, weapons aimed. But turns out our intelligence wasn’t as complete or accurate as we thought. We didn’t know about the children.”
“Children?” Ellen whispered.
“Yeah,” he said heavily. “There were children in the compound. These terrorists were forcing children to carry out tasks like planting explosives or serving as human shields.”
His voice cracked and he drew in a breath. “Gunfire was exchanged and everything was pretty chaotic at that point. I was barely aware of what was going on around me, totally focused on the target. I had him in my sight. Then…”
Another painful draw of breath. In a tumble of words, he continued, “Exactly as I pulled the trigger, a boy, a little boy not much older than eight or nine, darted in front of the target.” His voice cracked again. “I didn’t even process what was happening until it was over. I got the target but the boy… the boy was dead.”
He paused again, the silence rife with pain.
“I had shot him,” he said, his voice breaking. “I killed an innocent little boy.”
“Oh, Damon,” Ellen breathed as he began to cry. Lifting herself, she pulled him gently down into her arms. She held him as he wept, tears running down her own face. Her heart broke for him as she tried to imagine handling the guilt, grief and helplessness he must have felt—was still feeling—over the loss of an innocent life. No wonder he still had nightmares. No wonder he’d built a wall around his emotions to keep himself safe.
As she stroked and soothed him, she thought about the incredible gift of trust he’d just bestowed on her, and how hard it must have been to open up at last. Maybe now that he’d shared his pain that burden wouldn’t lie quite as heavily on his conscience or his heart.
“It’s okay, my love,” she murmured as she held him in her arms. “You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”
After a while, his sobs subsided. He rolled away from her with a heavy sigh. “Jesus,” he breathed. “I never told that to anyone before. Not even during my debriefing and counseling after the mission. Things were so chaotic as we took out the target and extricated ourselves that I barely even processed what I’d done until we were in the helicopter and heading back to safety. No one else realized what had happened and I… I was ashamed. I should have told my counselor but I was so ashamed of what I had done.”
“It’s a lot to handle, Damon,” Ellen said gently. “But it was war. Those men are the ones to blame. They used those children without any regard to their safety. I know that doesn’t lessen the pain you feel. But it wasn’t your fault.”
He turned to her, both sorrow and chagrin in his expression. “I get that, intellectually. But I think I’ve got some work to do. Maybe I’ll actually take my friend Marty’s advice and get some help.” He managed a smile. “Thanks for listening, and for not judging. Just telling you has eased the burden. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in a long time.”
He held out his arms and she curled into him. They lay together like that for a long time. She felt closer to him than she ever had with a man. His willingness to be vulnerable, rather than lessening him in her eyes, only made him seem stronger.
This time when they made love, the urgency was gone, replaced by a deep, fierce tenderness. Damon held her tight as he slowly entered her. They kissed, whispered sweet things and even laughed as their bodies melded together. They moved languorously, letting the passion and the pleasure slowly build between them.
When Ellen felt the tug of a powerful orgasm rising within her, she arched up against him with a cry. Damon gathered her close, his hard cock pulsing inside her.
“Come for me,” he murmured throatily in her ear. “Come for your Master.”
She did, keening her pleasure as he held her tight. A moment later, he, too, climaxed inside her, her name on his lips.
They lay together in a tangle of limbs, drifting in and out of consciousness as their skin cooled and their hearts slowed. Ellen felt as light as a feather—as if she would float away if not for the anchor of Damon’s body on hers.
Once she was sure he was asleep, she wriggled out from beneath him. Curling into his side, she closed her eyes and drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep.
When she next awoke, early morning sunlight bathed the room in pale gold. Damon was beside her, lifted onto an elbow. When he saw she was awake, he smiled. “Morning, sleepy head.” He reached out and tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear.
