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He caresses the side of my face, down my throat, to the top of my scar. “Based on what we just did, you’re not asexual.”
“No…but…” Now I’m smiling. He’s right. “But back then, when you don’t feel good, when it’s hard to breathe, sucking face doesn’t rank high on the to-do list.”
“Sucking face?” The corners of his lips turn up in amusement.
“It’s what we called it in the hospital. Me and a few other kids who spent a lot of time there. Some kids were bound and determined to have sex before they died. Two on the oncology floor got busted.” Olivia and Rex. Olivia died a couple of months after that. I don’t know what happened to Rex. “Anyway, that wasn’t me.”
“But when you were seventeen, you looked great. You were what…six months post-op?”
I had been doing great. I’d felt like I was on top of the world. Hence the reason I felt brave enough to go for a kiss at Knox’s graduation. His rejection knocked me back. Mortified me. Plus, I got pretty sick shortly after that. College was better. Sophomore year I lived in a dorm. And then when I tried…yeah, the scar was still really ugly. Hooking up with a drunk frat guy who’d been unable to control his reaction probably wasn’t the smartest idea.
“In college, it just, it wasn’t a priority. And then Mom got sick, and she needed me. And then Dad…”
“What happened to your Dad? Sam didn’t talk much about it. I didn’t know your dad had a drug problem.”
“He didn’t. Shortly after Mom died, he was in a car wreck. Minor. Sort of. It caused some back problems, and he was taking pain meds. The prescription ran out and he found a source. It was laced with Fentanyl. This was back before people were even aware that could happen. At least, I hadn’t heard of it. It wasn’t really publicized back then. It was rare, I think.”
“Hmmm.” His fingers roam my arm, my shoulder, the curve of my neck. I could lose myself in this bliss.
“And after he died?” The question is gentle yet probing.
“It was a difficult time. I wouldn’t have made it through if it wasn’t for Jimmy.”
“And Jimmy’s gay?”
“Yeah. He met someone from Asheville and there wasn’t any reason for me to stay close to Duke…so I moved when he did, and I don’t know…”
“You moved to a new city and still didn’t date? Didn’t meet anyone?”
“I’ve dated. I refuse to do the online dating thing. I’m missing the gumption, I guess. But I’ve been on dates. Honestly?” I wait for him to nod. He wants honesty. I can give him this. “I get really nervous before a date. It’s not something I really enjoy. I have a tendency to bail; to make up excuses. It’s just…I don’t like dating.”
“You seemed to enjoy our time at the pier. And the soccer game. And hiking.” He’s got this incredulous expression, but I’m pretty sure he’s teasing me. An outgoing person like him would never understand. I playfully push against his shoulder and the sheet falls, a big-time reminder we’re both naked.
“But nothing we did felt like a date. And…I mean…I’ve gone on dates. I’d just rather not. I’m pretty sure I could count on one hand the number of dates I’ve been on since moving to Asheville.”
“Creature of habit?” He softly cups my breast and smooths the pad of his thumb over the nipple. My breath catches at the warmth of our budding intimacy. “I’m going to guess you like to spend time with your friends?” I nod and suck in my lower lip. “What else do you do in your free time?”
“Hike. Read. Draw. I like crafts.”
“Solitary pursuits.”
Again, I nod. That’s who I am.
“Well, here’s the thing, my solitary girl. I wish you’d been honest with me because I would’ve done things differently. But I don’t regret what we did. As a matter of fact, I hope we get to do it again.”
Really?
“Don’t look so shocked.” His hand abandons my breast for my shoulder. “I’m honored to be the one you chose.”
“I chose you for my first kiss. When I was seventeen. Remember?”
There’s a blood vessel protruding in his forehead, strained from lying on his side like this, and I reach for it, softly smoothing it with my finger.
“Like I told you, if you hadn’t been jailbait, I might’ve overlooked the fact you were my best friend’s kid sister.”
“I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life.”
“You didn’t need to be. I walked away on principle. No other reason. I’ve always thought you were special. Full of beauty. Inside and out.” He presses his lips against mine. Just a press, and then he’s back on his pillow.
