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‘I’m all good. The kids have been golden. But thanks.’
Juno arrived at her side and pressed a Bloody Mary into her hand and the two of them worked their way around the pub. The air was filled with chatter and the scent of woodsmoke from the enormous fireplace and cooking from the kitchen, and when Gloria brought out the first copper serving dishes filled with crispy-topped fish pie, Van Morrison sang out her name. Gloria did a little dance, holding up her tray, and everyone cheered.
I love my home town, thought Helen, and everyone in it, and if only William were still alive, everything would be perfect. But he’s not and it’s not, and it’s up to me now to start a new chapter, before it’s too late.
Juno was flicking through the photos on her phone with a smile.
‘Look,’ she said, holding it out. ‘I think I got the money shot.’
It was a photograph of Helen, head slightly back, laughing, her smile wide, her eyes sparkling, the collar of the white jacket turned up.
‘You’ve been taking pictures in here!’ Helen said accusingly.
‘Yes. Because when you didn’t know I was taking pictures you actually relaxed, and I got photos of the real you.’
‘Thank you,’ said Helen, pleased, for she thought she looked just right. Like a woman you might want in your life, if you were a man of a certain age.
She looked up and saw Nikki approaching their table. They were both going to the committee meeting, which was held in the function room above the bar. They’d been held there since the very first gathering.
‘Hi, darling,’ she said, reaching out her hand for her daughter’s. Nikki bent down to kiss her cheek.
‘Hi, Mum. Hey, Juno.’
‘What do you think?’ Juno held up her phone for Nikki to see Helen’s photo. ‘For her profile picture.’
‘Smoking!’ Nikki looked at the picture then back to her mum in admiration. ‘You’ll be beating them off with a stick.’ She looked over at the bar. ‘I’m just going to grab myself a glass of wine before we go up.’
Something in her tone alerted Helen. Her daughter looked a little weary tonight. She was usually so bubbly and upbeat but there was a marked frown between her brows, and she seemed on edge.
‘Everything OK?’ she asked.
‘Yes, fine,’ said Nikki. ‘I had a shout this afternoon, that’s all. Everything was good, but it’s always full on. And it interrupted my appointment with some new clients.’
‘Oh no.’
‘They were fine about it. But you know, it messes up the flow, so I need to catch up with them.’
She headed off to the bar. Helen watched after her. Nikki had too much on her plate, she thought, though maybe it was just the stress of the new house and the hectic summer season coming up. Nikki was so determinedly independent, rarely calling on anyone for help.
She reflected for a moment on how different her two daughters were. Jess had always been demanding. From the minute she was born, she’d come out screaming for attention. She still was demanding, even now, whereas Nikki never rocked the boat. How could two people with the same parents, same upbringing, be the complete opposite of each other? Not that it meant she loved one of them more than the other. She loved all of her children equally, but differently. Jess the hellraising diva, Graham the amiable enthusiast, and Nikki the appeaser who never put a foot wrong.
She’d keep an eye on her. Rally the rest of the family to help out. Nikki was always on hand to help without being asked so it was only fair they should repay her generosity. She made it too easy for everyone to assume she was coping.
Now she was back again, with a glass of Pinot Grigio. ‘Shall we go up?’
Helen looked at the clock and realised it was nearly seven. The meeting was about to start. For a moment, she wondered if she should still be going, now she’d stepped down as chair, but she found it hard to let go.
Twenty years. It was difficult to believe it had been so long. She remembered the very first memorial, one year on. It had been at her instigation, and it had been word of mouth – a call to meet on the harbour as dusk fell. There had been a special church service that morning, but Helen wanted something for the non-churchgoers, something less formal than the sombre singing of hymns and a sermon. This was to be a celebration of everyone they had lost. A chance to share memories. And tears. And hugs.
She hadn’t expected a big crowd, but when she got there, half the town had turned up. And at eight o’clock, strings of fairy lights wrapped around the front of the Neptune came on. The landlord Keiran and his staff came out with trays of hot buttered cider to warm everyone’s hands. And their hearts. Someone else passed around a bucket to raise money for the lifeboat, and by the end of the evening it was heavy with coins and bristling with notes. Nearly a thousand pounds. Which for an impromptu fundraise was incredible.
From then on, Helen gathered together a proper committee and made the Speedwell Memorial an official annual event. It was important for the town to never forget, to come together, to share their feelings in an attempt to heal as best they could, but also to raise funds for the lifeboat station. There was a support group, too, for those who were struggling with their loss, whether for practical or financial or emotional reasons. Several had lost a breadwinner.
Helen had been lucky the family business was well-established, and Nikki and Graham had stepped into their father’s shoes. She often felt guilty that Graham had been so young to take on so much responsibility, but as he told her often, it had always been his intention to take over. He’d had no intention of going to university and he insisted that he never wanted to leave Speedwell. ‘Everything I want from life is here,’ he told her. That first year had been hell, but everyone who worked for them had stepped up and clients had been understanding.
Helen knew how impressed William would be with how far they had come. They’d gone from strength to strength through determination. Fate might have dealt them a terrible blow, but William would have been furious if they’d let it affect the business. In fact, it had become a comfort to them all, and they’d channelled their grief into ambition. Jess was a bit of an outlier, as she had her own career, but she was still on the board, still had an input, still had dividends, and sometimes she saw things from a different angle and made them more innovative.
When Nikki had joined the lifeboat crew, Helen had mixed feelings but she was overwhelmed by her daughter’s grit, and her mission to embrace what had been taken from them all and turn it to good use.
