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‘He told me—’ said Nikki, remembering Rik standing in the passageway outside Mariners – ‘he told me he’d got the wrong end of the stick about me and Woody. But he never said it was you who’d told him.’
‘Well, he wouldn’t have, would he? Because he was a good guy. He wouldn’t have dumped me in it.’ Jess’s eyes were glistening, as bright as sea glass. ‘I was never the person he wanted.’ She flailed about for the words. ‘He thought he liked me at first, but I was too much for him. I thought if I calmed down, tried to be more like you, kind and calm and caring, he would come round, but it didn’t work. In the end, I resorted to the oldest trick in the book.’ Her face crumpled. All her bravado evaporated, and she put her face in her hands. ‘I knew getting pregnant was the only way I was going to keep him, because who wouldn’t choose you over me, given the choice?’
Nikki put down her glass, jumped out of her chair and flew over to Jess’s side, taking her sister in her arms as she broke down. They breathed together for a moment, both acclimatising to the truth being out after so long.
‘We weren’t right for each other, me and Rik,’ said Jess eventually. ‘Not at all. And the sad thing is I think you were. You’re both kind. And gentle. And you care about people.’
‘You care about people.’ Nikki’s voice was insistent. ‘Look at what you do! You save people’s lives every day.’
‘Not because I’m a good person. Because I’m good at my job. I do it automatically. With my head, not my heart.’
‘You couldn’t do it if you didn’t care.’
Jess shrugged off Nikki’s words. For all that she craved attention, she didn’t take praise well.
‘I don’t understand,’ said Nikki, ‘why you didn’t say anything afterwards?’
Jess wiped her tearstained face with her sleeve. ‘Because I didn’t want everyone to know he preferred you. That the only way I could keep him was by using the old trick women use to trap men who don’t want them. And the other thing was because when Rik died, and when Dad died, I needed you. I needed all of us. Our family.’
Both of them were crying now. It felt good, to have the secret out in the open. Even though it hadn’t been a secret after all. And whoever it was who’d been sending the notes had no power anymore. The relief was immense. Nikki felt as if she could breathe for the first time in weeks. The heaviness in her heart and the burning sensation in her stomach had lifted, and her mind felt clear.
Afterwards, she went back to Adam with a bag of warm croissants.
‘Apricot jam,’ he said. ‘We need apricot jam.’ He went over to the cupboard.
They sat at the island while she told him about Jess, Gatsby sitting at their feet catching stray croissant crumbs. Adam listened carefully, occasionally asking a question.
‘The thing is,’ said Nikki when she’d finished, ‘I still don’t know who’s behind the notes. But it doesn’t matter now. They can’t hurt me or Jess, and we’re the ones who cared about Rik, even if it did all get in a terrible tangle. And he loved us both too, in different ways.’
‘So who do you think it is?’
Nikki shrugged. ‘It could be anyone in Speedwell, I guess. Anyone who was around at the time. Which is most people, because nobody ever seems to leave.’ She laughed, a little shakily because she was still getting used to the idea that she didn’t have to live with her secret any longer. She and Jess had discussed what they would do if whoever was sending the cards tried to cause trouble.
‘We stick together and we deny it. To protect Rik, and his memory. Bollocks to them,’ Jess had said. ‘No one intimidates my family.’
She was so loyal, thought Nikki, and felt a burst of love for her sister.
She couldn’t believe how lucky she was. She sat there with the sun streaming in on her and Adam. They had the whole of Sunday ahead of them.
‘What do you want to do today?’ he asked, sensing she’d probably quite like to change the subject. ‘I was thinking maybe a swim? Then lunch at the Neptune? We could walk there with Gatsby along the coast path, then we can have a glass of wine. Then come home and sleep it off?’
‘Sleep it off?’ said Nikki dreamily, but her eyes were laughing as he put his arms around her.
‘Yeah, we can sleep it off,’ he said, kissing apricot jam off the corner off her mouth. She melted into him. ‘In fact, why don’t we go and sleep it off now, before we go swimming. The tide’s not in for another hour at least …’
48
After the party, everything seemed to fall into place. Nikki was flat out with two weekday weddings but somehow she floated through them without any mishap, and even managed to take delivery of her furniture on Wednesday. Graham brought it all over in one of the company trucks, and he and Jason delivered everything to the right room. Her little house became a home.
On Thursday, she asked Adam round for supper. She’d bought fresh crab from the fishmonger in the harbour and made him crab linguine strewn with chilli and flat-leaf parsley and lemon zest. They sat in the garden as the sun went down.
‘I thought you said you couldn’t cook,’ he said.
‘You’ve inspired me,’ she replied.
‘Bloody delicious,’ he said, raising his glass to her. ‘It turns out that you’re actually perfect.’
She grinned and sipped her wine, gazing at the sunset, enjoying his appreciation. Her heart felt as light as a balloon, now she was unburdened. Occasionally, she would wonder about the postcards – she still felt a moment of trepidation when the postman arrived – but the threat would be an empty one. Of course, it was disconcerting to think there was someone out there who was targeting her, but they could no longer do her any harm.
