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“Well, since Posie’s best friend is Lennon Marlow-Prince, I highly doubt that she’s going to be a hypocrite about the company I keep,” I huffed. “Lennon and her family are whispered about every bit as much as the Benettis.”
“Well, there is that,” she muttered in agreement.
“C’mon, El, I need anything that you can give me here,” I begged. “I…I don’t think that I can just let her walk away from me. I’m trying. I’m trying to give her space, and I’m trying to not make this about me, but I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out.”
“You’re going to have to roll the dice, Killian,” she said.
“Meaning?”
“If she were any other woman, one without a past like hers, what would you be doing right now?”
That was easy.
“I’d be hunting her down wherever she was, then dragging her back by her fucking hair, if necessary,” I answered honestly. “I wouldn’t let her leave my side until everything was settled.”
“So, why aren’t you doing that now?”
That took me aback. “Are you insane? I can’t for a million reasons, but the most important one is what you just told me. The worst thing that I could do to a rape victim is take away her choices.”
“Yes, and that’s still true,” she said, confusing the fuck out of me. “However, I don’t see that as taking her choices from her. I see it as fighting for her. I see it as not treating her like a victim. I see it as showing her that you see her as something more than what happened to her all those years go. You’d be showing her just how much you’re willing to fight for those little bits and pieces that she might only be able to give you.”
I let out a dark laugh. “Yeah, because dragging her with me won’t kick off a war that I can’t win,” I reminded her. “You forget who her family is, Ellie. Do you honestly think that the Marlows, Reeds, McCellans, or McIntires are going to let me take Posie if she really doesn’t want to be with me?”
“I think that love is the only acceptable reason for war,” she replied, and I was brutally reminded of what she had put Jamie through as she worked her emotions out. “Is she not worth it?”
“Oh, Posie’s worth it and more,” I clarified. “But you know what will happen if they come after me, Ellie.”
She nodded. “I know.”
“So, how selfish am I to go after her knowing that?” I posed. “What makes my love for her special enough to kick off a war?”
“Because Posie needs to know that you’re willing to do that very thing in order to be with her,” she replied. “Killian, I know this is hard to hear, better yet, understand, but…” She let out a heavy sigh. “Rape is a horrible crime because the damage isn’t sexual. Sure, it’s physical, but if you’re lucky, you always heal physically from your ordeal, so…so it’s a manageable thing to get past. It’s everything else that is…is damaging. When Trent attacked me, believe it or not, he did it out of his deranged version of love. He brutalized me, but…it had all been….” She waved her hand about, trying to shake off the ugly memories. “You said that Posie was attacked by three guys.”
I nodded. Though I hadn’t told her the details, I had told her that much, so that she could get a better picture of what I was dealing with. “Yeah, it was three guys.”
“In my opinion, being treated like trash, like you’re less than human, is the bigger crime when you’re being raped,” she went on. “Your feelings, your pain, your thoughts…none of them matter to your attacker. No amount of begging or pleading makes a difference. He doesn’t see a human being; he sees a chance to feed his demons. Your self-worth really takes a beating after you’ve been raped. It’s about more than just feeling used or dirty. It’s feeling like you’ve been erased.”
“God, Ellie-”
She squeezed my leg again. “Posie was made to feel like that by three guys, Killian. She fought back against three guys that tried to erase her thoughts, feelings, and value. What do you think it would mean to her if you started a war with her entire family just to have a chance at loving her? Yeah, there’d be a lot of bloodshed when it was all said and done,” she grimaced. “Still, no matter who was left standing, the undeniable truth would also be left standing. The truth that Posie Tinley had not been erased. The truth that she matters more than even she is giving herself credit for. Even if you lose, she’ll win. She’ll win because two families fought for the right to make her see how much she does matter.”
“And Jamie does that for you?” I asked hoarsely.
Ellie nodded. “Every single day, Kill,” she answered emotionally. “He fights big and small battles every single day, and I think that you need to show Posie that she’s worth fighting for, no matter what.”
I took my sister in my arms. “I love you, El.”
“I love you, too.”
Chapter 31
Posie~
Two days after meeting with Uncle Ramsey, I was feeling better about taking action. Uncle Ace had called me to tell me that he was going to work on all the legal stuff, and I was so grateful for his help. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do it myself, but I knew that it’d be a slow and daunting process if I had decided to do it on my own. Sure, Uncle Ace would have helped me, but it still would have taken much longer than it would with Uncle Ramsey making it one of RMM’s many non-profit works.
Lennon had also been something else to deal with. The woman had been pissed when she’d found out that I was staying at a hotel when I’d had ‘any number of spare rooms that I could crash in’. I knew that I was welcomed anywhere that there was a Marlow, McCellan, McIntire, or Reed, but I didn’t need distractions to keep me from facing reality. I needed peace and quiet to come to terms with what had happened and with what was going to happen. Luckily, Lennon had relented, and all was well.
Killian was another issue. Not an hour went by when my phone wasn’t ringing or chiming with a text notification. He was also leaving voicemails, and I was in love with the man enough to admit that I’d listened to every single one of his voicemails. I’d also read his texts. That’s what masochists did. We tortured ourselves when we didn’t have to. We punished ourselves with complications that we could easily walk away from. I could easily block Killian from my phone, but…I wasn’t quite ready to do that just yet. While I was still hurt and confused, I wasn’t ready to throw the baby out with the bath water.
