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Memories of my home, that safety, start pressing in on me until I can almost smell my mother’s perfume. Almost feel my father’s strong arms around me. Almost see Jack barging into my room, demanding I play a game with him in the way only younger siblings can.
“Did Tony ever hurt you before he took you away?”
I shift my gaze to stare at the base of the lamp on Parker’s nightstand, wishing he’d drop the questions. This is the stuff I don’t ever want to tell anyone. “No, he didn’t. But I never liked him much because he made me feel uncomfortable.”
“Did you tell your parents that?” His voice is soft and full of concern, making the ache in my chest only burrow deeper.
“No. It felt…weird.” Looking back now, I wish I had said something. My dad wasn’t the type to choose a friend over his kids. If I told him how uncomfortable Tony made me, the way Tony looked at me when we were alone, Dad would’ve made it stop. But Tony was his supervisor. I didn’t want to make things bad for him at work. And I really thought Tony would just stop eventually.
“So you haven’t talked to anyone in your family since Tony took you away?”
“No. I’m not allowed to contact them.” I haven’t tried either. I can’t take the chance that Tony was telling the truth when he said he had someone watching them. Especially now that Jack is the same age I was when Tony took me. I can’t stand the idea of him being in this life too.
My throat tightens, making me lean over to put my mug on the nightstand. Then I reach for Parker again, digging my fingers into his hips. Tony would punish me if he found out I was telling all of this to Parker. “Please, I-I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“Okay.” Parker squeezes my elbow. “Okay, we can stop talking about it.”
I take a steadying breath and release it slowly. But before I have the chance to say anything, Parker says, “I’m sorry for everything that’s happened to you.”
“I deserved it.” The words come out of my mouth before I even realize I’m going to speak them. They’re so practiced. Tony told it to me every day for weeks when I was in that cabin with him. And eventually, I started repeating it back to him, but I always held onto the memory of who I was before him. Maybe I wasn’t the best kid, but I knew I didn’t deserve it.
From the way Parker’s body stiffens, I have a feeling he’s thinking the same thing. “You didn’t,” he says.
“You don’t even know me.” I’m not sure why I’m arguing with him except that his kindness is putting me on edge again. No one should be this nice to me.
“I know enough,” Parker says softly. “I don’t like the thought of you getting hurt.”
“Yeah, well, it’s kind of par for the course with this job.”
He’s quiet for a second, studying my face. Then he asks, “What if you didn’t have to work this job anymore?”
It’s an innocent enough question, but it makes my heart hurt. “I already told you we don’t usually get out.”
“But if you could—”
“I’m not going to,” I interrupt, irritation flaring to life in my veins. “And even if I did by some miracle, what would I do? This is my only work experience, and I haven’t been in school since I was fifteen years old. Where would I go? My parents would never want me back, and without a job, I can’t afford anything.”
I don’t mean to say it all, but Parker’s endless push about this only makes it all feel even worse. I don’t want him to give me hope or promises.
“I’d help you,” he insists.
“I don’t need you to help me. I just need you to fuck me.”
“Rhys—”
I don’t let him finish. I climb into his lap and put my hands on his shoulders for balance. He immediately drops his hands to my waist to help steady me, and I welcome the touch. This is what I know. What I’m good at. And this with Parker feels good.
“Rhys, you don’t have to do this.”
I shut him up by leaning down and pressing my lips to his. Memories of home keep trying to crash in on me, but I don’t let them. It doesn’t matter what Parker thinks; this is my life, and it’s never going to change. There’s no use in dreaming that it ever will.
“Rhys…”
“Please.” I kiss him again, clinging tightly to him. “Please, just help me forget about it all for a minute.”
I don’t have to fake the need in my voice. My body is craving his, and he will help me forget about Tony and all the other bad stuff for a while.
“Okay,” he whispers, and I pull back enough to read his expression. I need to make sure he really is okay with it because I’d never want to hurt him. When I meet his gaze, he gives me a nod.
