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It was with my dad, who had worked hard his whole life to move up in the coaching world and might finally make it. He wanted to work at HHU and be on the same campus as me. After seeing Cayden’s childhood home, it felt terrible to resent being loved too much by your parents.
Most of all, my mind, and heart, were with the boy who’d stolen it, a burning ball of anger and emotion, the only person in my life who had ever seen me, inside and out, every single piece, and loved me anyway.
“Let’s go, we’re early for our flight, and I want to check out some of the stores.” My mom bustled on as my legs got slower and slower. “And I have to call your dad to say good luck before the game.”
I thought of Hade Harbor High rink, all lit up like only a game night was, with fans streaming through decked out in black and purple, and the general air of mayhem and excitement in the air. I’d really miss being part of that. I didn’t want to miss it. I really didn’t want to.
“I know, you just know how your father gets,” my mom continued. “He’s so anxious about tonight and the scouts. This is a really important night for Cade, too.”
“He’s grown on you, huh?” I wondered.
She nodded and shrugged. “He tries so hard with us, he’s so polite, so helpful. You can tell he’s never really had anyone in life to look up to. No one who treated him with respect. I like the kid, but not as much as you do.” She gave me a sideways glance at that.
I jumped guiltily at the words, my cheeks instantly flushing. “What do you mean?”
My mother just smirked at me. “Oh, honey, Cayden might be a polite boy, but the way he looks at you leaves no doubt. He likes you, Lily. I’d say he’s head over heels.”
I stared at her, speechless.
“Of course, if he were to get into HHU and you were to stay…I could see you two together. You’d make a cute couple,” she said, her tone innocent. She clearly had no idea what had been going on under her roof and simply thought Cayden had an innocent crush on me. She’d die if she knew the filthy things her daughter and the boy in the room next door had gotten up to.
“Mom, I can’t believe you. Machiavelli had nothing on you.”
She laughed. “I’m kidding, well, partly. What matters the most is how you feel on campus. If it feels like home. Lily?”
I’d stopped just before security, and I couldn’t seem to make myself move forward.
My mom stopped and came back to me, her forehead wrinkled in concern. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
“Mom…don’t be mad,” I started. “But I don’t think I want to go on the campus visit.”
My mom’s face went through shock to concern, and then the smallest excited smile turned her lips up at the edges. “Really?”
I nodded. “I don’t think I have to go…I don’t think I have to go to California at all. In fact, I’m sure I don’t want to.”
We left the airport and got back into the car that we’d just parked.
“I’m sorry about the flight.”
“Don’t be. It was a steal and it was worth it if it made you want to stay here,” my mom said, wreathed in smiles. “You’re worth it, honey.”
As we drove home, I turned to her, the things I’d been avoiding saying jumping off my tongue. Now that I’d decided what I wanted, I couldn’t seem to keep it inside. I wasn’t scared anymore.
“If you want me to stay here, then there are some things I need to happen, like staying on campus,” I opened with, and in the end, it had been so much easier than I’d expected.
She agreed to them all, and best of all, had expected most of them. I felt like an adult. I felt like she saw me. It was a precious feeling, and one I hadn’t realized I needed so badly until it happened.
* * *
We missed the first period but got there during the second, just as Cayden came off the bench and got back onto the ice. He looked up in my direction, and I did the only thing I could. I showed him the shirt I’d slipped on at home before the game.
After that, the rest of the game was a blur. The Hellions dominated. Cayden was the star. I was surprised to see Josh intercepting some of the hefty defensemen, leaving Cayden clear to shine.
The Hellions took the game four to two, and the scouts lined up to speak to my dad as soon as the last buzzer sounded.
The rink exploded in cheers and applause. Hellions fans were losing their minds, and I was cheering and shouting right alongside them. I hugged my mom, and she held me especially tight. She was crying with happiness when she pulled back, and I knew it wasn’t just the win and my dad potentially going to coach at HHU that had her emotional, but the conversation we’d had on the drive over.
This was home. California had been the place I’d planned to run away to so I could avoid difficult conversations for the rest of my life. But truthfully, I didn’t want to leave Maine. I wanted to stay right here. I’d just needed to be brave.
