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I looked down at his face, my arms holding tight around his neck. I didn’t want to stop. It was a sudden revelation. From the moment he’d read my journal, or maybe even before then—since I’d seen him at Beckett’s party, and he’d chased me into the kitchen and cornered me—he’d been the one in my head when I imagined losing my virginity.
It had to be him. There was no one else I wanted. As fucked up as that might be, it was an undeniable truth.
I squirmed more, dropping my weight as much as I could, sending the fat tip of him deeper.
He grunted, cords of muscle straining in his neck. “Lily, this isn’t your dream journal. If you want me to fuck you…you need to tell me.”
“I want you to fuck me,” I blurted before I could overthink it or get embarrassed.
He stared hard at me, studying me like I was a puzzle he was determined to solve. Then his lips curved into a dazzling smile and my heart skipped a beat. Cayden West might be the sexiest, most brooding bad boy around, but his smile was a heart-stopper. He looked younger in that moment, free of his usual burdens.
“I’m on the pill,” I said quickly.
He raised an eyebrow at me.
“For painful periods,” I explained. It felt wrong to let him believe I was sleeping around every weekend when nothing could be further from the truth. He was my first, and he should know it.
He swallowed hard, his hands holding me poised on the tip of his cock, keeping me perfectly still, trapped between him and the wall.
“Do you have a condom?” I prompted after a second, my mind skittering to diseases and lack of protection. I should care about it more. I should make us stop until he had a condom on. I knew all this, and yet the thought of stopping was painful.
He kissed me slowly, lightly bouncing me on his cock, not impaling me, not yet, just teasing. Then he shook his head. “I don’t carry them.”
My heart fell with disappointment. He didn’t? I was pretty sure guys like the Ice Gods were ready to throw down at any time, considering the female worship they received.
He sighed against my lips. “I’ve never met anyone I wanted to do this with before, so I’ve never needed them.”
His words jolted me. “You mean you’ve never…” I trailed off, the words too ridiculous to say.
Cayden shook his head, and then a crooked smile touched his lips. “So, go easy on me, Freckles. You’re nearly too much for me to handle.”
“Too much what?”
He was lowering me slowly now, and my muscles ached as he parted them.
“Too much everything. Over and above me, all fucking around me, everywhere I look, it’s you.” His words were raw, pulled from a place of complete truth.
I wrapped them tightly in my heart and willed my body to relax.
He groaned as he pushed his cock further inside me. “So fucking tight. Are you going to let me in, Lily?”
“I’m trying. I’m starting to think this isn’t going to work. You’re too big, and I’m just tiny really, when you think about it,” I rambled. The stretch hurt but felt good at the same time. My head was spinning from the dual sensations.
“I’ll fit. I was made to fill you,” he murmured in my ear. “And you were made to take me.”
His words only relaxed me more, and slowly, his nudging thrusts got longer, reaching deeper, until his hips met mine. He was all the way in, and I’d never felt so full. I wasn’t aware of any pain, other than the dull ache of being filled in a place I’d never had filled before. It was a heavy feeling. I clung on as Cayden rested a moment. I was pinned to the wall by his cock; I couldn’t have moved if I’d wanted to. The thought of it turned me on, just like it did in my dreams.
He kissed my ear, nipping the lobe lightly as he started to move.
“You’re going to destroy me, I can already tell.”
I couldn’t speak. His words were my words. We were each other’s mutual destruction, but right now, I couldn’t think about that, not with what had to be a nine-inch cock sliding in and out of me, parting my untested muscles, drilling me to the wall. He fucked me just like that, the top of my back resting against the wall, his hands pulling my hips against him. I held on, biting my lower lip as the stretch faded and gave way to pleasure.
He cursed, his lips brushing over my neck. “Fuck, I can’t fucking hold it. You’re too much.”
I was startled by his confession. He was going to come. I had pushed Cayden West over the edge.Me. The power was heady.
He pulsed inside me, filling me with warmth.He’d come inside me. His cum was inside me.Just the thought made me feel wicked. He was sunk deep, his entire weight pressing me into the wall. I kissed his neck, fighting the urge to squirm on him. It had felt good, but not like when he’d eaten me out. The stretch sensation had gotten in the way.
