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No, no, no, no. I grabbed the paper and scanned it. Not only was it the most explicit and nonconsensual of all the things I’d written in my journal, but I talked about California in it, too. Both my terrible secrets exposed in front of the entire student body.
The paper crumpled between my fingers, and I dropped it on the floor. Pain filled me like nothing I’d ever felt before. Embarrassment, shame, and fear scorched a path through me.
I started forward, ignoring the laughter and shocked murmurs of those watching me.
“Lillian! Wait up,” Eve said, hurrying after me.
“Don’t follow me. I need to speak to Cayden alone,” I ground out.
“Wait, I’ll come with you,” she insisted, dogging my steps all the way down the front entrance stairs to the school and toward the rink.
“Don’t be seen with me, people will talk about you, too, that way,” I warned her.
She scoffed. “You think I care what people say? Lily! Stop!”
I spied Cayden’s bike sitting at the curb near the rink.
“Eve!” Asher’s voice reached us. He was heading out of the sport’s building, his bag over his shoulder and his eyes trained on his sister.
“Where is he?” I demanded.
There wasn’t any need to specify, I could tell by the look on Asher’s face that he’d already seen the journal pages.
“Inside.” He jerked his head toward the building.
“Wait out here or go to class,” I advised Eve.
“No, I need to come with you,” she started, until her brother grabbed her.
“Evie, they need to talk alone, clearly,” he said quietly.
I didn’t hear anymore, the roaring in my ears was too loud. I blasted through the ice rink doors, my gaze glossing over the display of sports equipment displayed at the entrance, celebrating all the sports that Hade Harbor excelled at. An empty hockey mask hung over a baseball bat, mocking me.
I turned on my heel and made for the locker room. When I got there, Beckett was just stepping out. He paused on the threshold, holding the door open. I stormed toward him, too embarrassed to meet his eyes. He’d read the pages, probably, just like everyone else. He knew what I dreamed about, all my twisted little fantasies.
I paused before entering.
“He’s alone, if you’re wondering,” Beckett offered.
I nodded. If even cold-as-ice, rich-boy Beckett was pitying me, I had to be pitiful indeed. I pushed inside, and he let the door close behind me.
Cayden sat on a bench, his padding still on. He stared at the floor, lost in thought. For a guy who had just exploded my life, he didn’t look too satisfied.
I stood and stared at him for a long moment, taking in the defeated slope of his strong shoulders and the fading bruises on his torso. My heart squeezed. It hurt. His betrayal actually physically hurt.
“Why?” I asked, my voice ragged.
He flinched, his eyes shooting to mine. There was a second where I saw his hurt, too, and it matched mine. Then cool indifference coated his features. He shrugged, leaning back against the lockers behind him, his beautiful body a picture of nonchalant strength.
“I could ask you the same.”
“Yeah, except I never told anyone—”
He held up a finger to me. “Don’t. Don’t lie to me. I had enough of your poisonous lies last night.”
“I’m not lying. I would never have done that to you.”
He exhaled in a harsh snort and stood. “The time for talking about this, and having a chance of being believed, is behind us. Get out of here and leave me alone, unless you want me to fuck you in the shower again. This time, though, I might not let you come up for air.”
