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But Beckett had already turned away and entered our room.
I stuck my hand out and stopped the door from closing. “Beck, stop shutting me out.”
“Shutting you out, Cinderella? I never let you in. You’ve always been out. On the outside, not like everyone else…the one who doesn’t belong.” He scoffed, the hurt in his eyes blazing at me. “I never thought my dad would be right about anything…but he did warn me about women like you.”
“Women like me?”
“Women who lie and manipulate to trick a rich man into thinking that she cares about him…a gold digger. I should have known that it was an act. How could it have been anything else? I know what I am…nothing can change that, and now, I know what you are, too. Oh, and don’t call me Beck.”
His words stunned me, and my arm fell from the door. He closed it on me, his eyes searing into mine the entire time, and the lock turned inside, shutting me out.
I stared at the door for a few minutes, tears nipping my eyes.
“Come on, let’s go back to my place,” Lily said a moment later.
Cayden had picked up the boxes, and she had my backpack.
“Okay, sure,” I agreed quietly. I had nothing else I could do here right now. I’d played this all wrong, and he was reacting horribly. Pushing me away without letting me talk. It hurt like a razor scoring across my heart.
It was just a misunderstanding, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. I let Lily lead me away before the first tears fell.
The next day, I bailed on my Friday classes and went home to nurse my aching heart. Home-home, to my mother’s house. I’d called Beckett hundreds of times during the night. I didn’t want to explain over text, but he was leaving me no choice. I sent him the pictures I’d taken of Colette and Jefferies and explained I was trying to get more dirt on her.
No response. In fact, my messages didn’t even show as read.
A gold digger. I couldn’t believe he’d called me a gold digger. I’d fooled myself into thinking he’d known me better than that.
“I never let you in. You’ve always been out. On the outside, not like everyone else…the one who doesn’t belong.”
He’d taken my insecurities and shoved them in my face. Maybe he thought I’d done the same to him, and that I’d done it first. I had no idea. It was a mess. All I knew was that him refusing to hear me out was breaking my heart.
I took the bus into Hade Harbor and got off a few blocks away from home and walked. It was quiet out. Leaves were piled up on every corner, and a brisk wind blew them along. I put my head down and hastened toward home. I’d walked this route thousands of times, but today, I felt aware of every single step, thanks to my pounding head. Turned out crying all night gave you a headache, who knew?
It was so bad it felt like there was an actual thump in my head with every step. I continued on. I was wearing the new sneakers I’d saved all summer to get. The damn laces always came untied. It figured that after wanting something so bad, it turned out to be a disappointment. Just like how I’d been desperate to belong to a team like the cheerleaders my whole life, and now I was on the Ice Girls team, and it was fun, but it wasn’t the highlight of my day. Being on the team, having the sneakers, none of it really changed the way I felt about myself. I didn’t magically belong at HHU now. I still felt like an outsider sometimes.
The problem had never been getting on the team. It had been me and my insecurities, and those were far from gone. Somehow, worrying about Beckett, and what I’d come so close to having, only made those feelings seem small and unimportant. He was the real belonging, the person who felt like home, and he was done with me. The relentless thumping in my head wasn’t letting up. I could literally hear it.
Thump. Thump. Ouch. Ouch.
I stopped to retie my shoelace, and when I stood, my mind lingering on Beckett, I realized that the thumping noise had stopped.
Thank God for small mercies. I moved forward, and the noise immediately started up again.
It wasn’t my head. It was something behind me.
I stopped again and turned around.
This part of town was a maze of small alleys, little side streets, ramshackle gardens, and run-down, abandoned lots. There was no one on the sidewalk behind me. Correction, there was no one on the sidewalk behind me who I couldsee.
My heartbeat notched upward. Was someone following me?
I studied the street for a while and then jumped when a group of kids rounded the corner across the road. They were laughing and talking loudly and didn’t pay me a moment’s notice. I relaxed, feeling like an idiot. Was paranoia yet another symptom of feeling like my chest was caving in with heartbreak?
Anyway, I was home. I fished out my keys and opened the door. “Hello?” I yelled, kicking off my shoes and going to the kitchen.
“Mi vida, what a nice surprise!” My mom turned a warm smile on me and opened her arms for a hug.
I sank into her warm embrace. It was the first time all day my headache relented.
