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Finally, words came to me, and I said them without thinking about how raw and personal they were.
“And you have no idea what it’s like not to have a family who cares about you, or a single person in the world who cares if you live or die.”
It had to be the situation that had done it. It felt like a night for confessions. Eve wasn’t the only one who was scared. I was scared, too. As much as I liked to edge death, tempt it to claim me, it felt different knowing it was my choice and in my hands. Staring down a tweaker gunman was something else.
“I’m sure your father loves you,” Eve said flatly.
“I wouldn’t bet on it. Maybe he did once, when my mother was alive, but since the day she died, he’s hated me. Now I’m just a liar to him, a deviant, a delinquent…a druggie.”
Eve was quiet. I couldn’t see her face and I was glad. It was strangely easy to be honest, here in the intimate dark.
“I’m sorry,” she said finally, not bothering to placate me or argue that I was wrong.
“Well, only one of those things is because of you.” I sighed.
“Beckett,” Eve started, turning so her face was right there, beside my shoulder.
“Don’t. I don’t want your pity or comfort. I know what I am.”
You’re broken, Beck. Beyond saving. No one will ever want you.Colette’s words were scored across my heart.
Outside, another bang sounded.Fucking hell.Were they killing off people? Shooting at the police? I had no idea. Eve had jumped, pressing closer to me, and I lifted my arm out of pure instinct. She burrowed into my side like a frightened rabbit. I lowered my arm around her. Her hot breath hit my neck, sending ripples of awareness through my body.
“Well, you think you’re a horrible person…while I’ve been saving up money to buy sneakers, instead of helping out my mom more. I felt so angry just before I saw you when I paid for her medication, because the increase in price wiped out my savings this month. We’re all assholes, really,” Eve murmured.
She nearly pulled a chuckle from me with her dry tone. “Wanting to buy new sneakers doesn’t make you an asshole.”
Eve shrugged against me. “Maybe not everyone is all the time, but everyone is sometimes.” She sighed. “I’m an asshole, inside, where no one can see,” she explained, still leaning into my chest.
She’d lied before; shewascold. I decided not to push her away just yet.
“For example?” I prodded her. Honestly, I didn’t care that much how Eve tortured herself with moral conundrums – she had no fucking idea what really being an asshole was – but it felt better to talk than sit in silence, waiting for the sound of gunshots.
“For example…I’m jealous of other people, all the time. The cheerleaders, people in nicer houses, people with two parents, people whose mom’s job isn’t cleaning for others. How horrible is that? I’ve wanted to belong here my whole life, but somehow, I just can’t see it happening. I’ll always beother.”
“It’s medium horrible. We make a good pair. The jealous girl and the lonely boy. Don’t sweat it, Cinderella. Everyone is jealous of someone.”
“Not you. If I were you, I’d never be jealous of anyone ever again,” Eve said, easing up so she was looking at me, her hand braced on my thigh.
I doubted she had any idea how close she was to touching my dick again. She was innocent in a way that made my balls fucking ache once more.I wanted to fuck her again. I wanted to keep her in my bed and fuck her every night.
The desire came out of left field, and I shoved it from my mind.
“You just think that because you don’t know me.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’ve known you since we were thirteen years old.”
“No, you haven’t. Not really. No one really knows me.”No one really wants to.
Eve opened her mouth, no doubt to argue with me, since that was her preferred method of communication, but I didn’t get to hear what she said.
The door handle to the bathroom rattled madly.
A shout sounded outside. “I think there’s someone in here!”
Eve
It only tookthem a few seconds to open the door. Turned out there was a fail-safe lock on the disabled bathroom in case someone needed help and couldn’t get to the door. One minute, I was sitting next to Beckett, having the most real conversation of my life, and the next, I was standing in front of two guys carrying guns.
