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“I’ve seen enough.” He fixed me with an unreadable expression. “Seems like you’ve been having plenty of fun under this roof, young man.”
“What?”
“I told you not to date girls your age because of the potential PR issues. This is a creative solution to the dilemma, but it could be just as bad a look if any of their husbands were to find out.”
“I-I didn’t want to do any of that,” I said slowly.
Soren chuckled. “You certainly rose to the occasion,” he pointed out.
I flushed bright red, hot, unbearable shame filling me up and spilling out. “I-I can’t help that. I was just sixteen, Dad, in case you forgot. I was sixteen, and they’re all Colette’s age.”
“Plenty of guys your age would love a hot older woman to usher them into the halls of the experienced. Consider yourself lucky and cut it out now. I don’t need any friends from the country club coming and demanding to know why their wives are getting dicked down by my son, even if you are bigger and stronger than them.” There was a sickening note of pride in my father’s tone. It was like he was impressed by how I’d filled out and gotten so physically intimidating. He liked the idea that his son was already a powerful man, at sixteen.
I felt sick and ashamed, and so disappointed. The last was a vibrant sharp jewel in my chest, digging into my heart.
“Colette was the first, you know. It was all her.”
That phrase stilled Soren. His careful expression morphed into annoyance. “Watch what you say about my wife,” he warned.
“No. I won’t watch what I say. You should care that your wife has been cheating on you…You should care about what she did to me.”
My father and I stared at each other. Years of distance stretched between us, and all the resentments and blame that we laid on each other piled up. But he had to believe me, didn’t he? He had to.
“I told you he’d say that, didn’t I?” a cold, cruel voice that was all too familiar spoke behind me.
Colette had slipped into the room and I’d been so focused on my father, I’d missed it.
Soren nodded. “Yes, you were right.”
She walked past me, her heels clipping on the floor. The sound sent dread through me. I was conditioned to hate that sound. To fear it.
She reached my father and slipped her hand over his. “It’s a normal reaction to being caught messing around with married women.”
“I suppose so.” Soren sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, as if this whole conversation was just too exhausting and unnecessary.
He had made up his mind, and I wouldn’t be able to convince him. I had video of Colette’s idiot friends, but none of her. She was too smart for that. She’d always avoided my room, and she hadn’t been interested in me over the past year. I was too old for her now.
She shot me a smirk. My heart fell. This was over. Colette had won.
“What did she tell you?” I wondered.
“The truth. You got caught playing around with her friends and got defensive about it. I get it, Beckett. I’d have done the same if I were you and surrounded by beautiful older women. But it has to stop now, son. Like I said, the optics on this aren’t much better than if you were fooling around with someone from your class and it got out. Just cool it for a while.”
“Cool it for a while?” I repeated numbly. I found my head nodding, while my heart broke. “Cool it for a while,” I repeated once more and turned away. I couldn’t take Colette’s gloating expression or the terrible, dismissive, uncaring look in my father’s eyes.
I moved out into the hall, emotions I usually stuffed down threatening to overwhelm me. I staggered to a seat just outside, the same one that Eve had hidden behind all those years ago. I’d had no idea then how bad my life would get within these walls.
“Did you really think that would work? Soren is my husband, Beck. He’ll always take my side.” Colette had followed me.
I stared at her with dull hatred.
She walked toward me, and pure violence flooded me for a second. “Don’t fucking come near me.”
She stopped and smiled condescendingly, leaning against the wall instead. It had been a long time since I’d been paralyzed with fear and powerless in her presence. As I’d gotten older and stronger, I’d been able to control my life again. It was the only thing that kept me going. It was the only thing pulling me through on nights when the guilt and shame of the past threatened to take over my mind.
“How did you know I was going to him?”
“Because I know you, Beck. You should keep your mouth shut, anyway…I guess you’re not smart enough to understand yet that no one would treat you the same if they knew the truth. You’re broken, Beck. Beyond saving. No one will ever want you.” With that final cruel jab, my stepmother turned and headed back into my father’s office, closing the door behind her.
