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“Fuck, Fir…” His grip on my hips tightened. “Você se sente incrível.”
I’d lost him with the Portuguese, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except the climax building inside me. The room filled with the sounds of our ragged breathing and skin slapping against skin, creating a symphony of passion that grew more and more intense. Getting fucked by Tomás was a workout, exactly how I’d imagined it.
“Can’t hold back any longer,” he rasped against my mouth, his thrusts becoming more erratic as he lost control. “You’re going to make me come.”
“I’m almost there too.”
He wrapped his hand around my throbbing erection and stroked it in time with his thrusts. We clung to each other, our bodies slick with sweat and desire as we chased our release together. My vision blurred, and my muscles grew taut. My feet arched, my legs cramped, and my whole body went rigid as I hung on that edge, suspended in a frozen state until finally the peak came.
The pleasure was more intense than I’d expected, lighting up every nerve. My whole body shook and shivered, trembling almost uncontrollably in a cataclysmic rush of ecstasy that left me breathless. My lungs heaved from a lack of oxygen, and I dimly registered Tomás coming as well, grunting and jerking as he filled the condom inside me.
Tomás had unlocked something within me, and it was he’d released something that had been pent up, flooding me with sensations and feelings and emotions. My head spun with the sheer force of it all, and I clenched my teeth, fighting to hold back whatever was washing over me.
“Fir?”
“I’m fine.”
My entire body trembled from the aftershocks of my orgasm rippling through me. It all became too much, too powerful, and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” I choked out between sobs, trying to catch my breath. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”
Tomás pulled out, and I cried even harder. Fuck, I was embarrassing myself, but I was unable to stop it.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to…” I gave up.
Tomás tied the condom and dropped it on the floor, then looked at me. He hesitated a moment but then wrapped his arms around me and drew me into a comforting embrace. “Hey, it’s okay,” he murmured, stroking my back. “There’s no need to apologize.”
Good, because I couldn’t even form words anymore. I had no clue why I was crying, but I was, loudly and with undignified sounds. This whole flood of emotions came out as if I hadn’t cried in years, which was bullshit because I had. Granted, mostly when I was alone. I hadn’t been held like this in a long, long time, and maybe that was making all these emotions resurface. On some level, sex with Tomás had reminded me of how good things had been between Samuel and me.
“Let it out,” Tomás said, his voice gentle and understanding. “You don’t have to hold back.”
His words, combined with the warmth of his body against mine, allowed me to let go, and I bawled into his chest, releasing all the pent-up feelings that had been building inside me for so long.
Why was life so fucking unfair? Why had I lost the love of my life, the man I’d planned to grow old with, so young? He’d only been forty-four. We should’ve had a whole life together, and instead, I’d become a single parent. Nothing about this made sense.
My tears slowed, and I took a deep, shuddering breath. Tomás held me close, his body warm and solid against mine. I felt the concern in his touch, and I had to reassure him my emotional outpouring wasn’t because of any distress or dissatisfaction.
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, unable to meet his gaze yet. “I’m okay, really. The crying was a physical release, you know? Not anything you did. Well, in a way it was, but because you did good. The sex was incredible, I mean. That’s what set me off. Not because you did anything wrong. You didn’t. It just reminded me of…” Shit. I couldn’t say that.
“It reminded you of Samuel?”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I pushed against his arms. He let go, and I scooted back a little. “I didn’t mean to compare.”
He shrugged. “That part doesn’t bother me. It’s only human.”
“Still, I shouldn’t drag Samuel into this.”
“Why not? You loved him, and I understand things can remind you of him and bring back that grief. That’s okay.”
“I all but guaranteed you I could handle this and then blubbered all over your chest. There’s probably snot of mine somewhere in your chest hair.”
He winced. “Thanks for that visual. I’ll make sure to shower.”
I cocked my head. “You said the comparison with Samuel didn’t bother you, so what did?”
He looked away. “It’s not so much bothering as…I don’t know. Emotions in general, I guess. They don’t bother me, but I’m not good with them.”
“Did Marnin rub off on you?” Marnin, who’d also been a part of Tomás’s circle of friends growing up, was notoriously cynical and allergic to anything that included feelings.
