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Jesus, I missed my brother. More than I had expected to. What did that mean?
Maybe Tiago had been right when he said our relationship had become unhealthy. I’d figured he’d been talking about himself, but now I wasn’t so sure. Maybe it applied to me just as much. I wasn’t functioning the way I did before Tiago decided to semiretire. Things weren’t the same without him, which made little sense because it wasn’t like we’d always done all shoots together. We had done plenty of shoots and assignments apart. The majority, in fact. So why did it still feel differently without him?
“Perfect, Tomás,” the photographer said. “Just a few more shots and we’ll be done.”
I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. I’d built a successful career for myself, something most people could only dream of. But was it worth it? Was it worth sacrificing companionship and family for a life that now felt so empty?
The camera clicked again, capturing yet another carefully crafted image of me, one that masked the maelstrom of emotions beneath the surface. Why did he even have the shutter sound turned on? It was ridiculous with a digital camera.
“We’re done, everyone,” the photographer announced, giving us a reprieve from the relentless heat and constant posing. I walked over to the tent they’d set up, desperate for some water to quench my parched throat before I left for my hotel.
“Hey, handsome,” a smooth voice drawled from behind me. José, another model, all bronzed skin and chiseled features, leaned casually against the table. He eyed me up and down, his gaze lingering suggestively on my chest and hips. “You look like you could use some company.”
“Thanks, but I’m good.” I grabbed a bottle of water and twisted off the cap.
Rude? Maybe, but I wasn’t in the mood. Also not something I was used to.
“Suit yourself.” José shrugged and sauntered off to find someone else to charm.
He was undeniably hot…and very gay. So why was I not interested? My cock didn’t even stir. Probably too hot and tired, like the rest of me.
Then again, I hadn’t slept with anyone since Fir. That encounter had left me shaken. The sex had been great but the crying afterward not so much. I didn’t blame Fir. Sex was a big stress reliever as well for me, so I could imagine it shaking loose some repressed emotions for him. But I couldn’t deny it had made things awkward, confirming that ours hadn’t been a normal hookup. And that was probably why neither of us had asked for a repeat.
I got changed into my own clothes, said good-bye to everyone, and donned a thin disguise with a baseball cap and sunglasses. Hopefully, that would keep most people at bay. I usually didn’t mind being recognized, but not today.
As I was going to the metro station, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I fished it out. My agent’s name flashed on the screen, and I sighed, steeling myself for the inevitable lecture.
“Did you agree to a free shoot in DC in October?”
“And a very good afternoon to you, Nick.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. What is this about a free shoot?”
“It’s a charity shoot for World AIDS Day I agreed to. Pretty sure I told you that a few months ago.”
“You’re still one of the world’s top models.” Nick’s tone was dripping with disdain. “You can’t give away your talent for free. It sets a terrible precedent and can make clients think your value is decreasing. It could cost you bookings.”
“Sometimes there are more important things than money.” The frustration from earlier rose back to the surface. “I wanted to support the cause, and if that means doing a shoot for free, then so be it.”
He let out a dramatic sigh. “I’m concerned about the message it sends. You’re already so outspokenly gay. And that’s fine and well, but by doing shoots like this, I’m worried you’ll be seen as too gay. You’re a sex symbol, one half of the Banner twins. Don’t ruin that by doing controversial shoots.”
“Too gay?” I snapped. “There’s no such thing as being ‘too gay.’ And I don’t give two fucks about this being controversial. We lost an entire generation of gay men back in the eighties and nineties, and that could’ve been me if I’d been born a decade earlier. I will do what I can to honor their memory and prevent a tragedy like that from happening again. Did you know that until recently, gay men couldn’t donate blood? Tell me how that is fair, how that is not discriminating against a sexual identity.”
Another sigh but a calmer one, indicating Nick had realized he wouldn’t win this battle. For the most part, he was a great agent, but he had his blind spots, and our sexual identity was one of them. “You’ve built a career out of your looks and your sex appeal. The moment you start messing with that, you risk losing everything you’ve worked for. I don’t like it either, but that’s how this industry works, Tomás, and you know it.”
“Then maybe we should try a little harder to change the industry instead of adapting to that ridiculously double standard.”
“Okay, okay, I hear you. I’ll forward you the details about the shoot.”
“Thank you.”
“How’s your brother doing?”
Fuck. Of course he’d ask. I wasn’t the only one who’d blown a gasket when Tiago had announced he was drastically scaling back on his bookings. “He’s fine. Happy with his boyfriend. He’s learning how to cook.”
A smile appeared on my face. All by itself. The thought of Tiago in the kitchen, wearing one of those ridiculous aprons, was too sweet. The sexiest man alive, and he was more at home in the kitchen than he’d ever been in front of the camera. What did that say about him, about us?
“So, he’s not reconsidering?”
