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“Is this okay?” I asked.
“More than okay,” he said with a sweet smile.
It wasn’t my reputation I was concerned about, but his. I didn’t want him to regret this when people started talking—because they would. As tolerant as Forestville was, two men dancing still wasn’t normal. People might know about him and me hooking up, but seeing it was different. Though I had to admit that the fact that Tiago and Cas joined us, followed by Auden and Keaton, helped. That took some of the pressure off us.
We danced in slow circles, the laughter of our friends and the music fading into the background. Fir moved with ease, a man confident in his skin and sexuality, and I loved that about him. And we fit well together, both here on the dance floor and in bed. The chemistry was undeniable, like a magnetic pull that kept drawing me closer and closer to him.
As the last notes of the song drifted away, I reluctantly released Fir from our embrace. I wouldn’t have minded dancing with him some more. But I couldn’t do that, not when I knew the storm of gossip it would unleash on him.
“Today was lovely.” Fir kissed me on my cheek. “I’ll see you around, Tomás.”
When he walked off, the strangest feeling settled in my chest. It almost felt like…loss?
17
FIR
One of the things I’d stopped doing after Samuel had gotten sick was entertaining. During his illness, we had different priorities. Plus, the chemo wore him out, and he couldn’t handle anyone else around him but immediate family. And ASD—After Samuel’s Death—I’d focused on surviving, too busy getting through each day to even think about inviting others over. York came over for dinner regularly, but he was the only one, and by now, he felt more like family to me and the kids than a guest.
But after the Summer Festival, it hit me how much I had enjoyed socializing again. It had been the first time since Samuel’s death I had taken off an entire day and had allowed myself to hang out and have fun. I’d even had a beer or two—and that had been ages ago. It had felt good, and dancing with Tomás had been nothing short of magical. I’d walked away after one dance, though, knowing if I stayed, I’d be way too tempted to feel things I shouldn’t. It had become harder and harder to keep my heart away from Tomás.
“I’m having some friends over for dinner tonight,” I said to my boys that morning, and they both froze in their tracks.
“You’re having friends over?” Gabe said, incredulity lacing his voice.
“Yes. York will be there, the sheriff and Mr. Perry are coming, and so are Tiago and Cas, plus Marnin and…some other friends.”
Josiah snorted. “It sounds ridiculous when you call them the sheriff and Mr. Perry. Just say Auden and Keaton. We know how to differentiate between seeing them here or, like, in school. And you can say his name, you know?”
Heat crept in my cheeks. “What name?”
My boys saw right through my pathetic attempt to plead ignorance. Josiah sighed, crossing his arms. “Look, Dad, we don’t want to talk about this any more than you do, trust me. But don’t treat us like idiots.”
I hung my head. “Sorry. I wasn’t sure how to handle this.”
“Just be honest about it,” Gabe said. “We don’t need details. In fact, please spare us, but it’s okay to mention Tomás. We know you’re having sex. It’s fine.”
I swallowed. “You’re truly okay with it?”
They looked at each other in a way that told me they’d talked about this. “Of course we are,” Josiah said, his tone softer now.
“It doesn’t mean I don’t miss your daddy.”
“We know that, Dad. But life goes on. That’s what we were trying to tell you on the anniversary of Daddy’s death this year. We want you to be happy, and that’s what Daddy wanted too. We don’t want you to be alone for the rest of your life.”
My throat was so tight it hurt to speak. “Thank you. That means a lot to me. Though I will add that Tomás and I are… We’re not dating. This is nothing serious. We’re just… We’re having fun.”
“You’re hooking up,” Gabe shrugged. “Whatever.”
Should I applaud my sixteen-year-old’s casual acceptance or be concerned? “Yeah.”
“Cool,” Josiah said. “So Tomás is coming tonight too?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Do you want us to, like, hang out for a bit and then go to our rooms?”
How had I gotten this lucky with two kids who were so sweet and understanding? Oh, they could both be a handful, but somewhere along the way, Samuel and I must’ve done something right because they were wonderful, gentle-hearted kids.
