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On a whim, I called Auden, who picked up immediately, the benefit of him being sheriff and used to being accessible.
“Am I interrupting anything?” I asked.
“Nope, it’s a slow day, and I’m buried in paperwork, so I appreciate the distraction.”
“I need to ask you something ‘cause you’re the only one I can ask. I don’t want to go to Tiago with this, and I don’t know anyone else who knows me well enough and would be honest with me.”
“Ooookay…,” he said slowly. “Hit me with it.”
“What does it mean when you miss someone? Like, I’m in London right now, and I’m missing this person, which is unexpected. What does that mean?”
“Usually, that’s a sign you care for someone, that you’re fond of them.”
“Fond as in friendship or something else?”
“You and Tiago have traveled all your life. Have you ever missed anyone other than each other and your parents?”
“No.”
“I’d say that’s a pretty good sign that Fir means more to you than a mere friend.”
“I didn’t say this was about Fir.”
He chuckled. “Nice try, dude. I’m neither blind nor stupid. You two have been hooking up for a while now, and I see how you look at him.”
I swallowed. “How I look at him?”
“There’s something there, Tomás. Something more.”
I sighed. Auden had always been way too perceptive. “I don’t know what all of this means. I’ve never felt like this.”
“You’re not gonna figure it out by staying in Europe.”
“I miss Forestville too.”
“Then why aren’t you coming home?”
Home.
The word hit me like Auden had slapped me in the face. When had I started to think of Forestville as home? Because it was. The whole reason why I felt so unsettled here in London was because I wanted to be home. For the first time in my life, I was homesick. Wow.
“Tomás?” Auden asked. “You okay?”
Was I okay? No, and I hadn’t been for a long time. “No, I’m not, but I know what to do now. Thank you.”
“You know I’m always here for you, right?”
The offer brought a smile to my face. “You’re a good friend, Auden. A better one than I deserve.”
“Nah, you’re worth it. Always have been. Take good care of yourself, okay? And come home soon. We miss you.”
“I will, I promise.”
As soon as I’d ended the call, I pulled up the contacts of psychologists Fir had given me. All this time, I’d put off contacting them, but no more. I wasn’t okay, and I needed to do something about it instead of wallowing in it. The pity party was over. Time to get real.
Taking a deep breath, I called the first name on the list. “Hi, I’m Tomás, and I have some questions about the online therapy you offer.”
The first woman was booked solid for the next two months so that one was out, but the second one had openings after some cancellations. I asked a bunch of questions, and she was honest in stating there was no way of saying how long of a process it would be for me, not without getting to know me and my issues better. Her frankness impressed me, and after she’d assured me anything we discussed would fall under HIPAA privacy laws, I made an appointment for two days later to talk through Zoom.
