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“Perfect. You know the concept of muscle memory, right? If you train something often enough, it becomes ingrained. You don’t even need to think about it. Someone throws a football at you, and you catch it. It’s not even a conscious process anymore. Your body responds before you realize it, and you may even start running for the end line automatically. Does that sound familiar?”
Adar chuckled. “All too familiar. Our coach in high school always said we should be able to catch a ball in our sleep, and I don’t think he was kidding.”
“Exactly. What would it take for you to unlearn that pattern? If I asked you to stand outside while I threw balls at you and told you not to catch them, how much effort would that take? I bet you could do it as long as you thought about it consciously, as long as you were focused on not moving your arms. But as soon as you let go of that focus, you’d move. That’s the perfect analogy for your brain pattern. Yes, you can change it, but it takes a lot of mental energy and focus. It’s hard, especially if it’s a pattern that has existed for many years. Our brains don’t like change. In fact, they very much like for things to stay the same, so for a deeply ingrained pattern like that to change? That’s an uphill battle.”
Adar hunched his shoulders. “But if I can’t change it, what are my options? Do I hide this from Oliver for the rest of our lives? That doesn’t seem fair.”
“It’s not, and I would never recommend anyone do that. A lie like that would come between you at some point, and it might cause irreparable damage.”
“Then what?”
“I think it starts with telling Oliver the truth, with explaining to him why you need this. It’s the only way to gauge his reaction, and once you have that, you can decide on the next step.”
“What if he’s disgusted by it?”
“Do you believe you two are fated mates?”
This time, Adar’s answer came immediately. “No doubt about it. I’ve known from the second I saw him.”
How many times could a heart break? More than once, Delton found out, but he pushed the pain away. “If that’s the case, you have to have faith you two can work this out as well. It’s hard for me to imagine that if he’s truly your intended mate, he will judge you for something you crave so deeply. Does that make sense?”
“I guess, but it’s not like he’s in love with me. Not yet, anyway. I think he knows we’re mates too, but I wanted to give him time to heal from what he’s been through, you know? Not put any pressure on him. So we don’t have a relationship. We’re… I don’t know what we are. Some kind of friends, maybe? Is that enough to put in so much faith that we can overcome something this big?”
“I hear what you’re saying, but if you wait to tell him until you do have that relationship, until you two are in love with each other, wouldn’t it hit much harder if he found out then? Wouldn’t he feel betrayed that the man he fell for had hidden something so big from him?”
Adar closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands. “I know you’re telling the truth, but everything inside me is screaming not to tell him because I fear I could lose him forever.”
Delton had to weigh his words carefully. “If seeing the real you makes him walk away, you have to question whether you were fated mates to begin with.”
“It would be so much easier if I could just change this about myself. If I could just stop needing this.”
“How do you feel when it’s been too long?”
Adar looked up again. “Awful. I have this restlessness, like my skin is too tight. And my temper is way too close to the surface, as if I don’t have the grip on myself I usually do. I feel irritated, frustrated, angry. There are all these big emotions swirling inside me, and I can’t stop them, not until…” He let out another deep sigh. “Not until I can let go because the physical pain overrides everything else.”
“How long has it been?” It hadn’t escaped Delton’s attention that Adar had described it in the present tense, not as something hypothetical.
Adar groaned. “Too long. Three months. The longest I’ve ever been without. I need it badly, but I can’t bring myself to go to the club anymore. It feels like cheating on Oliver.”
Delton put his much smaller hand on top of Adar’s. “Then tell him. Take the risk and be honest with him. At least you’ll know where you stand, and once you do, you can determine your course of action.”
Adar looked sideways to where Oliver was sitting at a table with Fallon and the other dragon omegas. “I can’t lose him. I feel like I’ve waited forever to find him.”
“Then have faith in the strength of your feelings for him and your belief that your connection is meant to be.”
Adar met Delton’s eyes. “Will you be there when I tell him? Please?”
As if Delton could say no to this man. “Of course. I’ll be there for whatever you need.”
Chapter Fifteen
Rhene had wanted to protect his mate, but he didn’t need to. Erwan was handling things all on his own, wielding his magic with a power and ease that left the entire room stunned.
Baoth and Cladhaire stood frozen to the ground, unable to move, their eyes wide with fear.
“How is he…?” Alistair whispered. “He shouldn’t be able to. Not without his clan. Not against dragons that powerful.”
“He’s the White Dragon, and he’s found his calling. No one can lift a finger against him now, not when he has truth and honor on his side,” Fergal said.
