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In his belly, something clenched, and Oliver winced as he slapped a hand against the mirror to steady himself. He was running out of time. His heat was coming, and he needed a solution. Even thinking about it made him sick to his stomach, but as much as his new pack and clan assured him his life was in his own hands now, this was one area where he didn’t have a choice.
Dragons couldn’t ride out their heats by themselves. Their sexual needs were too strong. At least, Oliver’s were. He transformed into another person, a shameless, needy whore. And he hated himself for it.
Oliver’s eyes flashed with anger as he studied his reflection in the mirror. How could biology be so cruel as to give omega a need for the one thing that could hurt them: alphas. In the throes of his heat, Oliver didn’t have a will anymore, just needs that demanded to be satisfied. It was basically a blank permission slip to the alphas to do whatever they wanted to him without him uttering so much as a word of protest. Not during his heat, anyway.
No, it wasn’t till afterward that he’d realize what they had done, how they had violated him. But how could he protest when he’d all but begged them to do it? He wasn’t himself during his heat. None of the omegas were.
And if the Murphy alphas had even an ounce of honor in them, they would’ve known that. But they had never seen omegas as beings with their own will and voice, worthy enough to be listened to. They were nothing more than objects to be used, valued even less than pets.
The alphas here were different, not a dishonorable one among them. But what would they do when Oliver begged them for all kinds of crazy stuff during his heat? Would they realize it wasn’t really him and ignore his pleas? Or would they also take it as permission to do whatever the hell they wanted? How could he trust them to respect his boundaries? He didn’t even know them.
A big reason was that they all stayed away from him out of fear of scaring him. The irony was that because of that, he hadn’t come to know any of the single ones to a degree where he could entrust them with his body.
Except Adar. Oliver walked toward the window. The sun was setting in a spectacular explosion of colors. What was it about Adar that made it so easy to trust him? He was bigger than all of them, yet Oliver wasn’t scared of him. Why?
Was it because Adar had spent so much time around him that he’d gotten used to him? It wasn’t like he knew him. They never talked, rarely interacted. So, what was it that made the difference?
He trusted him. He had from the beginning. Even those first few days, when everything had been hazy and his body had hurt so much that he’d thrown up from the pain. When he’d wanted to die to end his miserable life, Adar had been there…and Oliver hadn’t minded. Even when he’d been scared of his own shadow, he’d never been afraid of Adar.
The truth flowed into him as gently as a breeze. Adar was his fated mate. He had to be. There was no other plausible explanation.
Oliver closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Okay then. He had a mate. It would’ve been terrifying had it been anyone but Adar, but even though his heart raced and his hands grew clammy, he wasn’t scared.
Concerned, maybe. Worried about how things would work out between them. Adar was the perfect specimen of an alpha, and Oliver was…well, a wreck.
He didn’t say that out of some misplaced sense of self-loathing, but it was the truth, wasn’t it? He was, at best, a survivor of horrific abuse, more commonly known as a wreck. If he ever got over what had been done to him, it would take years and years. Hell, he still barely spoke and only to Fallon. Kinda hard to build a relationship with someone when you couldn’t talk to him.
But it was okay. They would be okay. He trusted Adar, and so far, the man hadn’t shown a hint of impatience. So he would trust him with his heat as well. How could he not when the man was his mate, when he was the only one Oliver felt safe with? That had to mean something.
Now, all he had to do was figure out how to ask him. Actually, he had to tell Fallon first, and from what he understood, he also needed to talk to Sivney. Alphas needed Sivney’s permission to help omegas through their heat. A concept Oliver couldn’t wrap his head around, but that was a topic for another time. Okay, so he had to talk to Fallon, then to Sivney, and then to Adar.
That was a lot of talking, especially if he could barely bring out a word. His stomach sank. How would he pull this off? He’d have to rely on Fallon. The guilt weighed heavily on him. Everyone dumped their problems at Fallon’s feet, and Fallon had his own challenges to deal with, but Oliver saw no other way. Fallon was the only person he felt comfortable enough with to speak, and this wasn’t something he could communicate in any other way. It had to be done. Maybe this could be his first step toward healing. A man could dream.
He stayed behind after the dragon meeting, which took place every day in the cabin Fallon shared with two wolves, Duer and Yitro, to talk to Fallon. Yitro was there as well, but that didn’t bother Oliver. The wolf omega was the sweetest man he’d ever met, and he was so happy to see a friendship blossoming between Fallon and Yitro. Fallon deserved all the good things.
When Oliver told Fallon about wanting to ask Adar, Fallon did ask some critical questions, but Oliver didn’t take offense since it was clear he was only trying to look out for him. So he explained as best he could that he felt Adar was his mate, and in the end, Fallon accepted that. He offered to accompany Oliver when he spoke with Sivney, which took away much of Oliver’s trepidation.
Sivney intimidated Oliver. Not in the sense that he was scared of him, but he’d never met an omega who exuded such power and authority. He had a hard time understanding it, even if he respected the hell out of him for doing the job he did.
“Let me start by saying you can communicate in whatever way you want with me, Oliver,” Sivney said kindly. “You can speak, whisper, ask Fallon to relay something, write it down… Whatever works for you. There’s no pressure here.”
Oliver nodded, grateful for the understanding Sivney showed.
“In itself, I have no objection to you asking Adar, but can I ask why you chose him?”
Oliver looked at Fallon, who took a deep breath. “Oliver thinks Adar is his mate.”
Sivney slowly nodded. “That makes sense, considering his devotion to you. Still, that doesn’t mean you have to ask him.”
“He also said Adar makes him feel safe. He’s the only alpha Oliver trusts.”
Sivney’s sharp eyes grew soft. “I can understand that after what you’ve been through. I’m glad he makes you feel safe. I am. And let me assure you, he’s a good guy. An honorable one.”
“Honorable is the same word Oliver used to describe him,” Fallon said.
“Good. Then you can ask him and tell him he has my permission. No need for him to come talk to me as well.”
Another hurdle taken, but the biggest one remained. How would Adar react when Oliver approached him? Oliver debated waiting, but time was running out. Besides, waiting only made it worse, giving him even more time to be nervous about it.
