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“I don’t like to bottom.”
Delton said it quietly, but Adar jerked his head up. “No?”
Delton shook his head. “I’ve done it, of course, as betas are expected to bottom for alphas and top with omegas. Only with other betas are we more often allowed to have a preference. But I don’t like it.”
“Is it because it’s painful?”
“No, not really. It’s… I don’t like the sensation. I don’t like being held down and feeling somewhat helpless, even though I know I’m not. And before you ask, it’s not the result of any trauma. I’ve always felt that way, from the first time I had sex.”
Interesting. So, sexual preferences didn’t have to be connected to some negative experience. Adar had never had one. He just liked to bottom as well, and he preferred rough sex. “Thank you for telling me. That makes it a little easier for me to talk about my…my preferences without feeling like I’m the only one.”
“You’re welcome.”
“And thank you for asking. It makes me feel seen.”
“Again, you’re welcome. All part of my job.”
His job? Was that what this was, Delton’s job? That thought didn’t sit well with Adar at all. “Is this work for you? Us hanging out?”
Delton winced, and his cheeks turned bright red. Adar had never seen him blush, but he sure was now. “No, and I’m sorry for saying that. I was… I guess I was trying to create some mental distance.”
“Why? If you don’t want to be here…”
“No, that’s not it. I do. But it’s not always easy for me to switch from being a psychologist to being a friend. Most of the conversations I have with others here are part of what I consider my job. Duer’s the only one I would consider a friend, and even with him, it started as a professional relationship.”
Damn. That couldn’t be easy. Adar had never considered Delton’s perspective, but now that he had, he felt for the man. “I guess we didn’t make it easy for you either, what with us mixing so many roles. Therapist, Dom, friend…”
Delton nodded. “I don’t always have the right hat on, and I apologize for that. It wasn’t my intention to be rude.”
Rude? That wasn’t the word Adar would’ve used. He hadn’t been offended. He’d been hurt. The implication that he was nothing more than a job to Delton had stung. More than he’d expected, though he wasn’t sure why. Maybe because he’d already started thinking of Delton like a friend rather than a therapist. “It’s okay. I understand. Guess I’ll have to work harder at making you feel like a friend.”
Delton’s blush returned in full force. “I’d like that. I mean, I’d appreciate that. Would make things easier for me.”
He was truly sweet. “I got you, my friend,” Adar said and meant it. “I got you.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sweden was an extraordinarily beautiful country. In the week since Rhene had arrived, the temperatures had dropped farther and lazy snowflakes drifted down when he snuck out the back of the camp. He’d shifted first, and then Gregor had tied a bag containing clothes and his boots to his back. It was far from ideal since it hindered his movements, but he’d have to make do. In this climate, clothes were not a luxury in his human form. They were an absolute necessity.
He’d left the camp late in the afternoon, and shortly after, darkness had fallen. He couldn’t imagine living here during the long winters when the sun only showed her face a few hours each day. He’d go crazy, and the endless summer days didn’t make up for that lack of sunlight in the winter as far as he was concerned.
Luckily, his vision as a wolf was more than sufficient to see in the dark, even if it wasn’t quite as good as Erwan’s. He stretched his legs and ran, covering the bare ground in rhythmic, almost silent strides. His paw prints were easy to spot in the thin layer of snow, but he couldn’t do much about it except hope that more snow would fall soon to cover them. He had little opportunity to hide in the vast emptiness of rolling hills covered with snowcapped moss, boulders, and low bushes.
As stunning as the landscape was—though he couldn’t make out much with only a pale sliver of moon lighting his way—he didn’t enjoy it. The darkness had brought almost complete silence. It was too quiet, and it unnerved him.
Back home, one could always hear something in the background. A car, an airplane, some kind of machinery. Plus, of course, his pack mates talking, shouting, laughing. Even the occasional sounds of a quick fuck, though those had been more common in the Hayes pack than in his own.
But here? Nothing except for a rare bird call. The silence was deafening, oppressive, though he couldn’t explain why. Maybe because he felt utterly alone, the landscape showing no signs that humans were present. His sensitive nose picked up on the scent of animals, reindeer probably and maybe some arctic foxes, but he didn’t see any.
Not that he was wasting any time looking for them. Before he’d left, he’d eaten a filling meal that should tide him over till the morning. Hopefully, by then, he’d reach the inhabited world again and could figure out a way to get on a plane. He’d run all night if he had to to find safety. But like Gregor had said, at least Rhene knew his mate was safe. That was one heavy load off his shoulders.
He missed Erwan. Whenever he’d pictured himself with a partner—before he’d met Erwan—he’d always thought of himself as independent, as someone who would be the strong one in a relationship, the protector of a weaker partner. But Erwan and he were equals in every way.
Physically, Erwan was stronger than Rhene, and he had no issues acknowledging that. But psychologically and emotionally, they complemented each other very well, balancing each other. Now, without his mate by his side, half of him was missing. Like he was incomplete, out of balance. Funny how quickly he’d grown used to having Erwan with him, almost to the point of being addicted to him. He needed him in a way he’d never expected to. And even stranger was that he was more than okay with that, whereas before, the thought of being so dependent on someone else would’ve scared him.
It didn’t sit well with him that he couldn’t communicate with Erwan. Hopefully, by the morning, he’d be back in an area where his phone would work so he could send a message and let him know he was okay. It stung that he wasn’t able to be there for Erwan, knowing his mate would need him as he was processing the loss of his mother. Rhene couldn’t explain how he knew Queen Grian had passed away, but he did. The certainty of it weighed heavily on his soul, but there was nothing he could do to support his mate. Thankfully, Erwan’s brothers would be there for him, but it wouldn’t be the same.
Shadows loomed in the distance, dark triangles against the starry horizon. Trees. Finally, he’d have some cover. Maybe then he could let go of that sense of foreboding, the silent fear creeping up his spine.
