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What the actual fuck? When had he gotten naked? How had he ended up in this bed? Not that he was complaining, but why was there a very naked, and absolutely sexy Athon seemingly asleep beside him, let alone fondling him while he, himself, slept? The dream, oh yeah, he remembered it now, the mystery woman and Athon. Never had Athon been there until now. He’d often wondered why and how she’d overwhelmed his love and infatuation for the very male he was now resting beside so that he only ever dreamed of her? This time he’d had them both, and damn it, he’d not thought his dreams could get any more orgasmic, but they had. It was just a dream, right?
He turned toward Athon, reached out his free hand, and did something he’d yearned to do for the longest time. Ever since Athon had shaved the sides of his hair short and created his rainbow mohawk Roth’s fingers had itched to caress it. The dark hair was clipped short on the sides with the long colorful strands sitting up on top and running down the back. He loved the way it got shorter as it reached the nape of his neck, he felt his lips tingle at the thought of placing light kisses there. This was one of the many post-Roth changes Athon had made to his body and style. Roth approved of them all. Even those he hadn’t seen and didn’t know about. They were a part of who Athon was now, but they also represented who he’d always been.
It felt so good, softer than he’d ever imagined. He must use magic to hold it up because it didn’t have the hard waxy feel that human mohawks so often seemed to have. His gaze roamed where his hands caressed, skimming the piercing in one dark brow . . . and locked with Athon’s unique eyes, gold irises rimmed by blue and purple with an almost serpentine black pupil, giving them a predatory edge that usually only came out when on a mission, or in the bedroom. An edge that was definitely present now as he took in the way Roth was touching him, the closeness of their bodies, and as his gaze swept down and back up with light speed quickness, his eyes widened and filled with wonder. Roth knew he’d registered not only their shared naked state, but also the extreme arousal that was prominently pressed between them. Now that he thought about it, he realized his erection wasn’t the only one vying for space down there. The fact Athon was equally as aroused as he was had him flushing like a schoolgirl winked at by the high school heartthrob. Athon definitely made something throb that was for sure.
“Azaroth, if you keep stroking my hair like that and rubbing your cock against me you best be prepared to face the consequences,” Athon stated. “I’ll have you stroking my cock with that precious mouth of yours faster than you can blink, babe.”
The soft growl of warning mixed with the raw promise in Athon’s voice sent shivers all the way up Roth’s spine. His mind flashed back to all the times he’d done just that, and a whimper of longing too long suppressed slipped from between his parted lips.
No sooner had the sound escaped his lips did Athon groan and twine his fingers through Roth’s hair, pulled him flush against his body, and took his mouth in a hungry kiss. One soaked in desperation, love, and long denied desire. His teeth nipped at Roth’s lips until they parted and allowed his tongue entry. He soothed the sting with his tongue before plunging in and devouring him as if he would disappear and never come back.
Roth understood why Athon would feel that way. What’d happened once could happen again. Even if he had come back, he’d come back broken and not the male he’d once been. As if a bucket of ice-cold water had soaked him he knew they had to stop, at least for now.
Talking was the last thing he wanted to do, but Athon deserved to know what he was dealing with. His time with Mara hadn’t been something he’d spoken to Athon about, and the aftermath had seen him lock the male out of anything but a platonic relationship. With all the questions revolving around the mystery woman, the dreams, and everything else, he’d realized Athon was the one person who deserved to know just how fucked up Roth was. Not to mention why he’d hurt the best thing in his life and run away with his proverbial tail between his legs to lick his wounds for over a century and a half.
Removing his hand from Athon’s face proved easier said than done. So instead of removing it completely from his body he slid his fingers in a gentle glide over his shoulder, his arms, until he could interlace their fingers. He took a deep shuddering breath and closed his eyes. As he opened them he saw the shutters come down in Athon’s, as though he feared the worst and was fortifying himself against the possibility of rejection. And could you blame the guy? After all this time and all that had happened they were so close and yet the divide between them was so wide. So many things they’d never said. So many things he wished he’d left unsaid.
In an attempt to reassure the male before him he raised their joined hands and brought Athon’s knuckles to his lips. His lips barely grazed them before he froze, his eyes flaring wide and latching onto Athon’s. The other male looked at him in confusion, which quickly turned into a look of ‘what the fuck’ when Roth’s tongue flicked out to lick along his knuckles, followed by the length of one long finger. Unlacing their fingers he bolted upright and pulled Athon with him into a seated position. Grasping the same hand again, this time with both of his, he took the middle finger deep into this mouth and slowly drew it out, his tongue swirling around the digit, sucking gently. The taste, so sweet and musky he didn’t think he’d ever get enough. Athon’s groans and restless shifting caused him to look up again and focus on the male before him, but not before tasting his other fingers. As he moved his face closer to his own hand he caught the same enticing scent. Dropping Athon’s hand he sniffed his own, and felt his brain skip into overdrive as realization struck.
“We need to talk, Ath,” he groaned out. “But first, we need to talk.”
“Um, okay. We are talking and that made zero sense. Why are you acting so weird?” Athon was visibly wary, his brows drawn down, his jaw tense, a slight quiver of worry entering his voice.
Roth knew he wasn’t getting his words out right. His brain was on a runaway train because he’d just been dealt a complete mindfuck scenario.
“Although, I’m going to take you calling me Ath again as a good sign, so I won’t run screaming from the room for help.” The smile on Athon’s face was nothing short of preening, he looked like all his dreams had just come true, Roth couldn’t help but smile in return. He’d missed this. Moments where he could make the male before him feel as special as he truly was. At his smile Athon’s shoulders visibly relaxed.
Giving himself time to process the newest curveball to his reality, and all the implications it carried with it, Roth decided to start with the topic they’d always avoided. Mara. The Mega Bitch, queen of all bitches.
“It’s time.” That was all he had to say and the tension was back in Athon’s entire body.
“You, we, don’t have to do this if you aren’t ready. I mean, I’m here, not going anywhere and never have, and as much as I want answers and want to help purge you of what that bitch did, I won’t push it if you aren’t there yet.” His voice was shaky, shock resounded clearly through every word. He’d waited too long for this as it was, Roth wasn’t going to waste another day. No matter how much the words might cost him. No matter the pity he was so terrified he’d see in his lover’s eyes. The disgust he’d feel rising within him with each vocalization of his tormented past with the woman Athon had been so hopeful would complete them.
“Mara.” God, just saying that name brought burning bile to the back of his throat. How was he going to be able to get the rest of the twisted mess out into the space between them? But out it must come, before it ate up more of his soul than it already had. “What she did . . . Fuck, I wish this wasn’t so hard.” His growl filled the air with all of the emotions burning within him, calmed only by the feel of a warm, calloused hand coming to rest over his own.
“We have eternity, so how about I start us off?” Athon, always the facilitator of difficult conversations, chimed in.
All Roth could do was look at their hands and nod.
“She felt like a dream come true, someone who I thought was not only beautiful, but smart and charming, someone who had a spine of steel clothed in fine silk. I liked her, I didn’t love her, but I thought it would come to that naturally, later on once we’d formed a bond with her of sorts. If I’d known what she was truly capable of . . . I’d have stabbed the bitch in the heart myself and damn the consequences. While I don’t know what she actually did to you, she hurt you, and that is enough to warrant her death by my hand in my opinion. I knew you were wary, less than impressed, when I introduced you to her. I remember you saying you felt like you’d seen her before somewhere, her eyes caught your attention more than anything else. You said she felt young, I responded that compared to us nearly everything and everyone was. I can still hear the echo of your chuckle in my head.”
Roth felt Athon’s sad smile rather than saw it, for he couldn’t find the strength to look up into his face, not yet, anyway. But he nodded his head in agreement. Sometimes her eyes still haunted him, as though begging him for something, begging to be seen, to be remembered. Not from his time with her, but from before he’d ever known her name.
“I didn’t understand why you held her at a distance. To me she seemed eager to be with us both. I really wish I’d listened to your instincts, even if you didn’t voice them directly to me, and yes, I knew somewhere inside that you just wanted me happy and if that had made me happy you would have gone along with it. I am sorry for that.”
Before Athon could continue Roth held a finger to his lips and finally looked the male in the eyes.
“Yes, I would have done anything to make you happy, even sacrificed my own happiness. No, she didn’t want us both, not the way you thought. She was at ease with you and seemed to genuinely enjoy your company. With me? She always seemed to have an edge of anger and resentment about her, whether the clenching of her jaw, the air of a predator holding themselves back from attacking at the wrong time, or a barely there tolerance. I knew you didn’t see it, but it was there, and there was no way I was going to be the one to point it out to you. That was my first mistake.” He took a moment to collect himself and the pad of his thumb caressed Athon’s plump bottom lip, causing a shiver to run through them both.
“My second mistake was to assume my happiness meant your misery and your misery meant my happiness. I should have realized sooner that the bond we shared was deeper than that. It is deeper than that. I know now that you would have seen my unhappiness and it would have come back to bite us irregardless of what eventually went down. The solution to our problem, that missing piece, is someone we both want equally. Not someone who could only make one of us happy.” A tear slid from the corner of Athon’s eye and Roth caught it on the tip of his finger. Bringing it to his lips he licked the tiny droplet away.
“No more tears, my love, or I’ll have to lick your face like a golden retriever. You always were an ugly crier.” With a tap to his chin Athon chuckled.
“Me? The ugly crier? Oh, really? I’m not the one who got caught watching that sappy chick flick in the media room at midnight on your birthday with a full-on snot face!”
Athon and Roth nudged each other good naturedly before resting their heads on each other's shoulders. Both of them knew they were just about to hit the heartbreaking part of their long overdue therapy session.
“Before we do this, Azaroth, you need to know that none of what you tell me is going to change who you are to me. What happened does not define the male you are. You are not responsible, nor accountable, for the deeds of others. Not even when those deeds are directed at you. I need you to understand that whatever she did, I know that if you’d had the opportunity to end it, to escape or to defeat her, you would have taken it. The sum of you is not defined by your time with that monster. You are so much more. I also know that it will be with you always, and I am here for you, in whatever capacity you wish me to be.”
