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His lips twitched. “So noted.” He paused. “Trust me to keep you safe.”
“I do.” Not that she needed his protection, but she did trust that he wouldn’t abruptly withdraw it. “I know you wouldn’t allow any of them to harm me. I wouldn’t allow it. But I worry that all this will cause a divide between you and them.”
“It won’t.”
“Are you sure that you’re not underestimating Ishtar?”
“Very sure. Look at it logically.” Cain sank back in his seat. “Even if she could sway some of the other Ancients to join her camp, she wouldn’t sway the majority. She’d need four votes. I wouldn’t vote in her favor. Neither would Seth or Azazel—mostly out of loyalty to me. Lilith wouldn’t throw her lot in with Ishtar either, because Lilith once had a consort and understands why I’d never give you up under any circumstances.”
“And the others?”
“Neither Dantalion nor Inanna wish to fold under Abel’s threats. I can’t say for sure that their viewpoint won’t alter at a later date, though I doubt it will happen. But even if it did, there wouldn’t be enough votes to make a difference for Ishtar. It would be four against three. Not that it matters, because no amount of votes would lead to me sacrificing you. It would simply never happen.”
Cain held her gaze, willing her to believe that her doubts were senseless so she wouldn’t spend time unnecessarily worrying over it. He understood why she’d find it difficult to trust that the other Ancients wouldn’t unite against him to oppose his will or even to take him out. It was natural, considering there was so much she didn’t yet know about him. Couldn’t yet know about him. He needed more time before he fully enlightened her.
Leaning back in her seat, Wynter crossed her arms over her chest. “If Abel had been smart, he’d have offered to expand your cage rather than threaten to decrease its size. The other Ancients would have been more open to trading me for extra territory than they would be to submitting to his demands.”
Cain felt his brows lift. He might have had more success that way, but Abel was too eager to see Cain suffer to ever think to offer rewards as opposed to issue threats. “The end result would have been the same, whatever the case. I’d have refused to give you up, and no one would have forced the issue. After all, what good is more territory when you wouldn’t be alive to enjoy it? And I would kill them if they tried handing you over.” He cocked his head at the odd look she gave him. “What?”
“It’s just crazy hearing you say that you’d essentially choose me over these people you’ve known for so long. I’m not saying I don’t believe you. While I was mentally chewing on all this crap with Abel, there wasn’t even a millisecond where I wondered if you might ever give him what he’s pushing for. It’s just that, well, your behavior will probably seem irrational to most people.”
It seemed irrational to her, Cain sensed. Well, of course it did. He hadn’t been completely open with his witch about what he felt for her, or about the degree of impact she’d had on him.
Cain patted his thigh. “Come.”
She gave him a curious look but rounded the table and sat on his lap, curling an arm around his shoulders. “Is this where you ask me what I want for Christmas?”
Hiding a smile, he replied, “No, it’s where you listen and listen good.” He slipped an arm around her waist and rested his hand on her thigh. “The main reason that Ancients choose to occasionally Rest is that immortality isn’t easy to bear for those who have no anchor. When you have no one to center you, it is inevitable that your emotional state will deteriorate until you eventually have no choice but to press the reset button now and then.”
“How many times have you done it?”
“More times than I can count.” He stroked her thigh. “Before you came to Devil’s Cradle, I’d planned to Rest sometime in the near future. I’d even spoken of it with Azazel that day you arrived, mere minutes before you came to my office. Back then, I was numb. Tired. Apathetic. My moods and thoughts would turn dark at a moment’s notice. It’s a state I always reach at some point. I’m at my most dangerous then, so it’s when I choose to Rest.”
She soothingly drifted her fingers through his hair, no doubt clueless to the fact that no other women had tried to comfort him in such a way. But then, he hadn’t let them close. Sex was the only intimacy he’d ever allowed himself until Wynter.
“I’m sorry you were mentally in a bad place,” she said, her voice low, “but I’m not sorry that you didn’t choose to Rest sooner—we otherwise might not have met.”
“We’d have met. The other Ancients would have woken me when they realized you would lure the Aeons here. But I am nonetheless not sorry that I wasn’t Resting when you arrived—you would have otherwise sold partial rights to your soul to another Ancient. I would have still gotten my hands on those rights at some point”—he’d have traded any number of souls to make it happen—“but I would not have liked that they’d once belonged to another.”
“Possessive bastard,” she teased.
Cain felt his lips hitch up. “When it comes to you, I very much am. Likely always will be. So good luck with that.” He toyed with the ends of her hair. “You think it’s irrational that I would put you before the other Ancients—”
“I said most people would feel that way.”
“And you were including yourself in that—don’t deny it.”
She clamped her lips shut, giving him a droll look. “Okay, fine, I find it somewhat illogical.”
“I have known the other Ancients for what feels like an eternally long time. We fought at each other’s side during the war eons ago. We’ve survived our cage by banding together and leading as one. We’ve all had the same main goal in mind all this time—to be free. That in and of itself united us. In that sense, we are . . . comrades, for lack of a better word. Brothers in arms.”
“It’s more than that with Seth and Azazel.”
Cain conceded that with a dip of his chin. “I count Azazel as a friend, and I’m naturally closer to my brother than the others. I care for Seth deeply. But it isn’t the same as having someone who fits you. Who belongs to you. Who somehow found a way to live in your blood. Who you can’t imagine being without. You’re that person for me, Wynter.”
She settled him. Enriched his world. Felt rooted so deep inside him there’d never be any getting her out, which was more than fine with him.
She swallowed hard. “You mean that.” It was a surprised whisper.
