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Andras, however, seemed a little distracted, so I didn’t give him shit about forgetting my birthday. Anyway, he was my trainer, not my BFF.
I had no one but myself to blame for my lack of company. Most of my friends lived in Seoul, where I’d spent my formative years.
And I was too broke, chicken-shit, and disgraced to fly over there.
Once we finished practice, I retired to the locker room for a quick change before Zach’s class. But when I pulled out my phone, I spotted a message from him.
(He’d made a show of demanding my number after he spent Monday searching for me before our so-called lunch date, berating me for not making it on time. One—we both knew he already had my number, a byproduct of his hacking skills and utter disregard for my privacy. And two—who ate lunch at 11:30? Only people with an AARP card.)
For one pathetic second, my heart rose to my throat.
Did he remember my birthday?
Zach:
Raincheck on class.
Zach:
Mom is throwing a party today.
Zach:
Apparently, I need to go over the menu details with her.
My heart crumbled into rubble, scattering all over my chest.
What did I expect, though? He didn’t know my birthday. Had no indication that I’d just turned twenty-three.
I guess he had a copy of my ID somewhere on his servers from when he hired me, but why would he check it?
With shaky fingers, I replied.
Farrow:
K. Have fun.
I drowned my sorrows in a chocolate donut from Dunkin’s. The large iced coffee felt particularly glacial beneath the freezing air.
I drove to Swallow Falls to watch the river flow, stuck a candle in the donut’s hole, and made a wish.
“Dad, if you’re up there, please give me a reason to wake up tomorrow. Anything. No matter how small. Consider it my birthday present.”
A tear dropped onto the donut, painting a shimmery line down the chocolate glaze.
I shut my eyes, tipping my chin toward the sky.
“If you do, I’ll forgive you for breaking your promise and missing my last competition.”
The chilly early winter air seared through my air pipe as I sucked in a breath, reminding myselfnotto fucking cry.
I had no reason to.
Prettysoon, I’d bring Vera down.
Youdohave a reason to,the lonely, bitter chunk of my soul reminded me.You’re all alone in this world. Your best friend is on the other side of the planet, and you’ve put all your chips on a man who wants to screw you then dump you.
My phone pinged with a message, interrupting my pity party. I yanked it out of my back pocket, biting down on the donut.
