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No, no, no.
“This is Zach and me as babies.” She pointed to the second photo. “And this one is us at two years old. Our dads were good friends.”
“Zach never mentioned this.”
“He doesn’t remember it. When Constance reunited us, I didn’t want to embarrass him by bringing it up. I’ve waited for this for a long time. I…” She closed her eyes, her cheeks flushing pink. A beat later, she shook her head. “Oh, never mind.”
“Tell me,” I insisted, swiveling my body to face hers.
Eileen had quietly endured my presence in Zach’s life for months. Did she truly not mind or did she fear rocking the boat until she secured her place?
Her phone call the other night zipped through my mind. Zach viewed this arrangement as business only.
But did she?
“I’ve loved him my entire life.”
Oh, my God.
Never once had it occurred to me that she wanted him as more than a status symbol. She’d fooled me with her constant suggestions to add no-touching and pro-dating clauses to their contract.
Eileen opened her eyes, her lower lip unsteady. “I’ve spent thirty-three years designing myself to be what Zachary Sun needs in a wife. I sculpted myself like Play-Doh to his wishes and wants.”
That’s not how to love, I wanted to scream.
Instead, I sunk further into my jacket, listening to her speak.
“As kids, he used to protect me when my older brothers bullied me. He was smart, wild, and brave. He loved sculpting mud, so I’d sculpt mud. He loved swinging on ropes, so I swung on ropes. He goofed around on the jungle gym, so I did, too. Anything to be near him. And he let me… until my family moved away.”
I wanted to cry. For Young Zach, who should’ve stayed carefree and playful. And for Adult Zach, who struggled to shoulder the burden of his trauma.
And most of all, I envied Eileen Yang for meeting both versions of him.
Suddenly, I couldn’t help but curse the unfairness of it all. People who met their soulmate young never had to feel like they’d started a book on the wrong chapter and needed to read the beginning to appreciate the end.
Eileen fingered one of the photos, biting down on her lip. “One day, Dad told us his friend from college died. My siblings barely remembered him, but I did. I showed up at the funeral and offered my condolences. Zach didn’t even recognize me. He barely even recognized his school friends.”
Oh, Zach.
My heart broke for him all over again.
Eileen continued, unaware that pieces of me had shattered across the rose garden. “I decided then that I’d take the opportunity to become everything he needed and return to him as the perfect woman. The medical degree, the smart dresses, and the charities. All designed to please Constance and draw Zach in. I tailored my personality to suithis—calm, collected, cold, and elegant.”
A desperate, devious, deranged piece of me wondered…
Is that truly what he needs? Or does he need his opposite? To break him out of his shell and give him a dose of the playfulness he used to have.
Eileen’s teeth scraped her lower lip as she stared into the distance. “Meanwhile, I drank up every tidbit I heard of him from my parents, collecting any info I could about him off social media—from the feeds of his friends, his classmates, his aunt.”
Were we really so different?
I’d done my research on him, too, prior to meeting. We’d both met Zach under a guise, both entered contracts with him, and both fell fast, hard, and deep.
Eileen flipped through the photo album without really looking. “By the time I met Zach again, I’d morphed into the version of myself he required. I showed him everything I needed to show. A woman that is intelligent, cold, and uninterested in touching men. Someone who would give him a family without ruining his current lifestyle. I knew we’d hit it off, and we did.”
A small, sad smile stretched across her lips.
My heart broke for her—and for myself, too. Because I finally understood what it felt like to love someone who could never be truly and wholly yours.
