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The first snow of the day made landfall on my cheek. It melted against the heat of my emotions, falling to my chin like a teardrop.
I swiped it away, grabbed the flashcards and backpack, and rushed to the car with Vezzali before he froze.
In my Prius, I drove straight to Happy Swirls, setting Vezzali on top of an outdoor table. I sat on the bench. The same one Dad and I once sat on over a decade ago, coming up with a list of potential names for the cleaning company.
Dusty DivasandMinty Fresh(me).
Crystal ClearandNew Beginnings(him).
At just five in the morning, the shop hadn’t opened. A few cars whizzed by, but overall, Vezzali and I enjoyed peace, quiet, and the beginnings of the sun cresting over the horizon.
I pulled out the flashcards and a matchbook, staring at the words I’d written on them at Dad’s grave.
Our first fencing competition together. You were so proud, you almost started a fight with another fencing dad. He took offense to how hard you cheered for his daughter’s loss.
When Ms. Drake called you into a parent-teacher conference because I told her you’re always high, but I meant you were taller than me. You took me to a movie after, and we ate two whole large tubs of popcorn.
That time I asked you if babies come from bellies. You said yes, and you let me assume I came out of your belly for years because you didn’t want me to know my birth mother abandoned me.
Memory after memory, I seared them into my brain.
One by one.
All my favorite pieces of Dad.
And then I set them into the tin I’d brought, lit a match, and burned them to ashes. They flew up with the wind, pieces of Dad scattering all over Happy Swirls—his ashes spread exactly where he wanted them.
I poured the tiny teaspoon of ashes left in the tin into the locket of a bracelet I’d bought with my first coaching earnings, keeping a piece of Dad with me forever.
“If there’s an afterlife and we have another chance to do it all over again, I’d still want you as my dad.”
T-MINUS 4 DAYS.
Time slithered like a sewer monster.
One day seemed like three winters.
All I wanted to do was claw at the walls that constantly seemed like they were closing in on me. Even with the sudden epiphany to fleece the info out of Celeste Ayi.
(Also, who knew emotions could cloud logic to the point of stupidity? Not my favorite scientific discovery—it didn’t matter if I couldn’t find the damn woman, either.)
I’d spent all of yesterday and this morning tracking her, only for Natalie, of all people, to be the one to strike gold.
“SHE’S FUCKINGWHERE?” I roared into my phone, partly to be heard over Natalie’s gum chewing and also because Celeste Ayiwouldchoose the one time I needed her near me to run off to a spa in the furthest place possible.
“Celeste is in Chiang Mai with Constance.” Natalie bore the canned voice of a Kardashian, and I genuinely hoped she became the trillionth sister, so she could fuck off to L.A. and away from me. “It’s a city in Thailand.”
“I know where it is.” I tore my coat from my shoulders, kicking my front door shut like a tractor-sized baby. It seemed suspiciously convenient for Ayi and Mom to be elsewhere as I ramped up my search for Eileen. “What is she doing there?”
“She said she’s meditating.” Something crunched between her teeth. So much for maintaining professionalism.
“She doesn’t meditate.” In fact, my only memories at temple were the days our cook took off, and Mom wanted me to eat there.
“She said you’d say that… And to tell you that she decided to give it a try. That there was no point in staying home, anyway, since she doesn’t celebrate Christmas.”
I flung my shoes off. “When did you talk to her?”
“Hmm.” I could practically envision Natalie twisting an invisible phone cord around her finger as she pondered my question. “Right before I clocked out. Maybe, like, twelve hours ago?”
