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Not true,I reminded myself.Not if Farrow cures you.
Maybe one day—far, far,fardown the line—I’d feel comfortable enough to hold my future spawn’s hand when we crossed the street.
“Affection does not…” I cleared my throat. “…come naturally to me.”
As I said the words, violent flashes of memories attacked me.
Burnt flesh.
Blood everywhere.
Screaming.
The scent of seared skin assaulting my nose.
Dad, Dad, Dad.
This was why I needed to put up with Octi. To fix the damage Dad had left behind.
Eileen nodded, staring at her hands. Her fingers tangled with one another. Long and narrow, like the rest of her bone structure.
We’d make fine-looking children, no doubt. And they wouldn’t be dumb. Always a nice bonus.
“I want to try sex.” She peered around as if someone could pick up her whisper without piercing her personal bubble. “See if perhaps it could grow on me with time.”
“You still can.” I pushed the saucer in. “As long as you’re discreet, I don’t mind if you take on acinq-a-septlover. Provided he or she is willing to sign all the necessary paperwork.”
I refused to be a laughingstock, but I didn’t expect my future wife to sit around cross-legged, just to appease my phobias, either.
Eileen tapped a beat on her knee. I found that little quirk annoying.
I wondered if Farrow had quirks, too. If so—what were they? Nothingwould surprise me. Including killing puppies.
“I’m okay with that. Does that mean…?”
I nodded. “Insemination.Ifwe decide to sign this deal.”
She sighed, nodding to herself. “This is actually very comforting. Sex was the one thing that always stood in my way of starting a family. Every time I tried to date, I’d end up tumbling into bed and stopping before we actually did it. Regardless of how intellectually attracted I was to him, it never felt like what my sister described. It felt… almost nonconsensual.”
“Well, this won’t be an issue for us, because I don’t want your body.”
She divided a mooncake in perfect quarters with the tine of her fork. “Then, what do you want?”
“Your cooperation. For you to co-parent my children. Wear my ring. Stand by my side during social functions. We can be cordial. Friendly, even. After all, we’ll have much to share—children, goals, wealth, power.”
Eileen smoothed her dress. “Just not love.”
I nodded.
She drew in a breath.
Did she have to breathe so loudly? How did she expect me to tolerate her existence when everything she did got on my nerves?
“Are we actually considering this?” Eileen asked, re-tucking her hair behind her ears. “I mean… forgive my directness, but should two people this fucked up reproduce, anyway? I know we look good on paper…”
“But paper is just a paper,” I finished for her. “Easily destroyed.” I’d contemplated this before and came to the same conclusion every time. “My children won’t be miserable. I’m like this because my circumstances made me like this. Take away those circumstances, and I’d be as horny as every other sleazeball in this country.”
Eileen winced at the crass words. “And we take this secret to the grave?”
