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Caitlin took Pearl’s moment of distraction to look down at her phone. Still no messages from James. The knot in Caitlin’s stomach tightened more and she tried to take a deep breath to loosen it. It didn’t work.
This morning Caitlin had asked him at least three times if he’d come to the aquarium with them, and each time he said yes in the hurried, vaguely passive way she’d become accustomed to by now.
He was supposed to have been there a half hour ago, and she hoped he was still on his way. The restaurant they owned and operated together was a good half hour from the aquarium and by then, she and Pearl would have been done with looking at everything.
He was still a loving father to Pearl—she never questioned that—but she just wished he was around more.
The restaurant took up so much of his time that Caitlin could hardly remember the last time they’d had an afternoon together as a family. When was it, before Thanksgiving of last year? Maybe? Yes, it was. They had gone to an interactive art exhibit together. Pearl had a blast, but James had been answering emails and taking calls every spare second.
Caitlin sighed, checking her texts again as if she’d missed the message she’d been waiting for half the afternoon. Still nothing. Moments like this had made her so lost about her marriage that she’d escaped to Blueberry Bay earlier in the year to visit her sister Alissa Lewis and get some perspective.
It had helped. She’d taken in the small, quiet town’s charm and gotten away from the constant hustle and bustle of the restaurant and the city, gaining perspective on what she was going through. And when she’d gotten back to Denver, she had hoped that things would improve in her marriage.
James had promised he would do better at spending time with them. But so far, he was still wrapped up in the restaurant, staying late and arriving early. And when they were at home, he was attached to his laptop, sketching out plans to potentially open another restaurant. Another location to take up his time. They were able to afford it with how successful their current restaurant was, but Caitlin always pushed back against his plans when he brought them up.
And that was if they talked. Most of their conversations felt awkward, like they were on a first date where they’d run out of things to talk about over dinner but hadn’t gotten the check yet. It was a far cry from the evenings they’d spent early in their marriage, talking and laughing and planning for their future.
In some ways, they had that future—their restaurant was even more successful than they had ever dreamed, they owned their own home, and they had Pearl. But it felt so much more hollow than she ever thought it would be. She was so stuck despite the bright spots, like Pearl.
Caitlin looked back to the otters, who were still floating along holding hands. An absurd rush of envy over their connection came through her and she nearly laughed. But then again, when was the last time she’d held James’s hand?
All she wanted was to feel like she and Pearl were number one in his heart. That was it. But in moments like this and in little ways all the time, she felt like they were second place behind his career.
At one point, the restaurant was something for them both—their shared passion that brought them closer together. They spent hours in their kitchen, putting together ideas for the menu and making tweaks until everything was exactly as they’d envisioned. And she still loved the idea of owning a restaurant.
But now it was this weight around their marriage, something that Caitlin resented more and more every day. As if it was James’s wife, not her.
“Can we see the penguins?” Pearl asked, snapping Caitlin back to attention.
“Sure, sweetheart.” Caitlin took Pearl’s hand. “Take me there.”
They followed the big signs that had pictures of penguins on them, weaving through the crowds. The penguin area was packed too, so they stood at the back to wait their turn at the front. Pearl went on her tiptoes anyway, trying to see the penguins. Even as tall as Alissa was, she couldn’t see the penguins either.
“Here, look at the sign,” Caitlin said, steering Pearl toward the simple description of the penguins.
Pearl had just finished kindergarten and was already ahead in her reading, so she stopped in front of it, putting her hands on her hips. Caitlin’s mouth twitched in amusement at the look of concentration on her face.
“Did you know penguins are birds? They live half their lives on land and half in the ocean. Most of them live in the southern…” she paused. “Hem…”
“Hemisphere.”
“Hemisphere,” Pearl continued. “But one sp-species, the… Mommy, how do I say this one?” Pearl pointed at a word.
“Galapagos,” Caitlin said, enunciating each syllable.
“Galapagos penguin lives in the north.” Pearl grinned, looking up at her mother.
“Amazing job!” A rush of pride replaced any negative feelings that Caitlin felt. “Your reading has gotten so good.”
They worked their way to the front to see the penguins, which were diving into the enclosure’s water. Caitlin loved seeing them waddling around too. After that, they went into the freshwater fish section, which they found interesting but wasn’t their favorite. In Pearl’s words, the fish were “very not pretty”. Then they went to the tropical fish section, which they both loved more.
Pearl’s excitement and happiness lifted Caitlin’s mood until she checked her phone again. Still nothing from James. Pearl had been doing so well lately and was so filled with joy that Caitlin didn’t want to let her know what was happening between her and her father. So far Pearl hadn’t asked about where her father was since she was having so much fun, but Caitlin hoped she wouldn’t.
They wove their way through their rest of the aquarium until they reached the biggest display. The room was huge, so Pearl was able to find a spot right at the glass. Caitlin jumped when her phone started to ring—James, finally. Caitlin told Pearl to stay put and kept an eye on her from a distance while she answered.
“James?” Caitlin said. “Hi, what’s going on?”
Caitlin heard the chaos of the restaurant behind him. Saturdays were busy, but their staff was more than qualified to run it without them there.
