AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Her eyes widen, and her jaw drops. “You’re breaking up with me? Four days before Christmas?”
I’d forgotten the time of year. “What’s the point in dragging it out until the New Year?” I ask, trying not to wince.
“Is it because of her?” She jabs her head toward the bar.
I blink. “Who?”
“Aroha!”
“Jesus. Of course not.”
“You like her though.”
“She’s a friend. There’s nothing between us.” It’s the truth, I tell myself, although I feel a twinge of guilt at the thought that I do find Aroha attractive.
“I thought you loved me.” Her whisper ends with a hiccup.
“I don’t,” I say honestly. “Or not enough, anyway. And you don’t love me either.”
“I do.”
“No, you don’t.” I open my mouth to accuse her of being disappointed because she’s going to lose my money, but I close it again. I don’t want this to turn nasty. “You know I’m right,” I say more gently. “You don’t trust me. We argue all the time. We’re just making each other miserable. You deserve better than me.”
She meets my eyes. Resignation settles over her like a mist, which tells me that deep down, she agrees with me.
“I do deserve better than you,” she says eventually.
“I know.”
“You’re an arsehole.”
“I know.”
She glares at me. “Is there someone else?”
I shake my head, irritated. “There never was.”
“You never cheated on me?”
“No.”
She looks surprised. Jesus, she really thought I had. She’s accused me often enough. Resentment burns inside me, killing off the remainder of any feelings I had for her. I would never cheat on a woman. If she didn’t believe that, she never really knew me at all.
Her eyes shine with unshed tears. She knows how angry that’s made me. “So this is it?”
“You deserve someone who’ll give you everything you want. Marriage, kids. You can’t make me into that person. It doesn’t work like that.”
She looks at the cars passing by. Then, without saying anything else, she turns and walks away.
I watch her until she turns the corner, then sigh. It’s Longest Day, and the sun won’t set until around nine, but it’s low on the horizon, bathing the city in a warm orange glow. Christmas lights are springing to life in all the restaurants and bars, while people spill out onto the streets like beads from a broken necklace.
I feel a wave of relief at the thought that I’m free, followed quickly by a gut-wrenching twist of sadness. Cassie was my first long-term relationship. Before her, I’d kept things short and sweet with other girls, and I’m upset that it was a mistake to try something more serious.
I’m twenty-eight, heading toward thirty, and my father wants me to settle down and get married, but I don’t see it in my future. Every woman I’ve met wants children. They might say they don’t, to please you, but ultimately it seems nature takes over, and I don’t want kids. Or, rather, I don’t want to be a father. No, correction, I don’t want to turn into my father. I’d rather stay single.
It’ll mean he’ll change his will, but for the first time I realize I’ll be free of him. I’m never going to earn his approval, and now I can stop trying.
The thought should make me happy, but I feel depressed at Cassie’s departure, even if I know it was the right thing to do. It’s been a shit week, actually. I’ve spent most of my free time with my sister, who’s having a tough time, and I’m absolutely shattered. The sunlight bounces off the cars’ windows, the glare making my eyes sting. What should I do? Go home? I’ve had too much alcohol to drive back to the house. And in the apartment, surrounded by Cassie’s things, I’ll just stew in my misery, and it’s never fun getting drunk on your own. I grit my teeth. I don’t want to feel regretful and melancholic. They’re inconvenient, unpleasant emotions. Turning, I go back into the bar and head over to our table.
