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I look back at Leia and carefully, awkwardly, turn her in my arms so she’s facing me. Then I lift her against my shoulder. Pulling her arms to her chest, she nestles against the crook of my neck and sighs.
Aroha sang to her, so maybe she likes music. I start singing, continuing to move, letting warm water stroke our skin.
Not long after, Aroha swims up to us under the water, then appears and smooths back her hair. Droplets glisten on her lashes.
“Are you really singing an AC/DC song to her?” she asks.
“It was the first thing that came to mind.”
“Not sure of the appropriateness of Highway to Hell, but whatever.” She laughs and moves closer to peer at the baby. “She looks half asleep. How did you manage that?”
“Skill. Do you think she’d prefer John Mayer?” I start singing Slow Dancing in a Burning Room.
Aroha joins in, and we sing together, turning circles in the water.
I’m a very driven guy, and I don’t have many pastimes. If I have a spare minute, I tend to spend it working. I don’t enjoy vacations. I get bored and restless unless I’m doing something. So I’m surprised how content I feel right now, in the warm water, holding a baby, and doing nothing except moving around, singing to her.
Then I think of Maddie, and it’s like a cloud passing across the sun. She won’t get to do this with Leia. She won’t be able to watch her daughter taking her first steps, or hear her saying her first word. She won’t see her put on her first uniform and go to school, or watch her excel in art or music or sport. She won’t hear Leia tell her about her first kiss, or be able to hold her when she breaks up with her boyfriend.
She won’t see her graduate from university, or get engaged and married, or hold her first grandchild. So many firsts, and Maddie’s going to miss them all.
“Are you thinking about Maddie?” Aroha asks.
I look up, surprised she’s picked up on it. “Yeah.”
Her hazel eyes survey me thoughtfully. “Tell Leia a story about when you were young.”
Leia is almost asleep. “She can’t understand me.”
“It doesn’t matter.” She smiles.
I look back at Leia. “I guess not.” I turn from side to side, thinking. “When your mum and I were five,” I say, “your grandparents took us to the beach. We had a dog at the time—a Labrador called Malfoy.”
“From Harry Potter?” Aroha asks in delight.
“Yeah. Maddie and I both loved the books. Anyway, Dad bought us both an ice cream, one of the soft whipped ones in a cone. Maddie only had a few licks of hers when she dropped it. She started crying and asked Dad for another, but he said no, it was her fault she dropped it, so she had to do without. So I said she could share mine, and we sat there eating it—one lick for her, one for me, and one for Malfoy.” The memory makes me chuckle. “Mum was horrified, but we still did it. One lick each.” I smooth down a strand of Leia’s hair that’s sticking up. “I don’t know what made me think of that.”
“I’m reading her Harry Potter now,” Aroha says.
“You’re a fan too?”
“I’ve seen all the movies a dozen times. So, uh, yeah.” She smiles.
“Maddie would like that,” I murmur. My eyes meet hers. “She would have liked you.”
“I hope so. I wish I’d met her.”
“She would have liked that you’re down-to-earth. She hated pretentiousness of any kind. She would have been pleased that you were reading to Leia. And that you were singing to her.”
“I’m sure Leia’s missing her mum, even though she can’t say so.”
I sigh and kiss the baby’s forehead. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s better that she won’t remember her, or anything of this time.” She won’t remember me, unless I choose to play a part in her life. The realization makes me frown.
Aroha watches us for a moment. Then she says, “She’s falling asleep. I think I’ll take her in.”
“Okay.” I hand the baby over. Aroha sits on the steps, retrieves the towel she left on the side, and wraps Leia in it. Leia grizzles, but Aroha has her dummy ready, and Leia sucks on it contentedly.
“I’ll dry her off indoors,” Aroha says, “and then put her down for a nap. I’ll catch you later.”
