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But I couldn’t.
I felt the first warnings of a panic attack coming on.
I tried to concentrate on my breathing –
But it just made it worse.
I tried concentrating on the noises around me –
But all I heard was the creak of wood and the sighing of the wind outside.
I felt totally and completely alone…
And I couldn’t bear it.
I would rather die than be alone.
I slipped out of bed and walked down the hall to Massimo’s room.
I opened the door. I didn’t bother to knock because I didn’t want him to tell me to go away.
“Massimo?”
Moonlight shone through his window, and I could both see and hear him shift under the covers as he looked over at me.
“What?” he asked, obviously annoyed.
“Can I get in bed with you?” I asked, my voice trembling.
“Why?” he snapped.
I didn’t want to tell him the real reason, so I just went with the obvious.
“I’m cold.”
I could feel his eyes roving over me in the moonlight.
“Put on some pants,” he said.
“It’s uncomfortable to sleep in.”
“So go to the other bedroom and grab an extra blanket.”
“It’s still freezing.”
He was angry. “Lucia – ”
“Look, I just – I’m scared, okay? I don’t want to be alone.” I paused. “AND I’m freezing.”
He sighed, obviously irritated. “No bullshit, alright? No flirting, no grab-ass, no rubbing up against me – none of that. Got it?”
At first I said, “Okay, yeah, whatever – ”
But the words stung.
I was trying to get away from horrible memories – from a feeling of crushing loneliness –
And he thought it was all about him. Cuz he was just so hawt –
