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Lucia never made a sound. She just lay in my arms, her head against my chest.
Every so often I would whisper, “Lucia? Baby?”
But there was never any answer.
I stopped a couple of times to rest. I drank some water from the canteens, then tried to get her to take some, as well.
When she didn’t react, I didn’t force it. I was afraid if I put water in her mouth, she might choke to death.
When the light faded and the temperature began to drop, I put on flannels and a jacket.
I also took out her jacket and forced her arms through the sleeves.
It was like dressing a mannequin. She had no reaction whatsoever.
The entire time, I whispered to her. “It’s going to be okay… you’re okay, baby… you saved my life… thank you so much… it’s okay, Lucia… you’re going to be okay…”
Although truthfully, I don’t know if I was trying to comfort her… or myself.
As I moved through the woods, I took stock of various cabins. I automatically ruled out the first ones we passed because they were too close to our last cabin.
Only during the third and fourth hours did I begin to pay serious attention to our choices.
The majority were too close to other cabins, or there was a car parked out front.
Finally, as the light edged towards darkness and it truly began to get cold, I found a good option.
It was newer than the last cabin, and I hoped it might have electricity.
I didn’t bother trying to find a key – I just kicked in the back door. The window broke from the force, but the lock gave way instantly.
I went inside with Lucia in my arms.
I nudged the door closed with my foot and looked around.
There was a sofa along one wall. I quickly went over and set her down on the cushions.
She stared ahead with blank eyes – but she immediately clutched her arms around her knees again and went back to rocking herself, which frightened me more than if she’d done nothing.
I took my canteens, backpack, and rifle off. Then I went looking for the bedroom.
I found a comforter, brought it back to the living area, and draped it over her shoulders.
Then I felt her hands. They were freezing cold.
I went to the backpack, got out the brandy, and sat down in front of her. I pulled up my t-shirt to expose my stomach, then placed her hands against me to get the warmth of skin-to-skin contact.
I uncorked the brandy, stuck my finger in it, and pried open her mouth to put a few drops in. When she didn’t react, I did it again.
I hoped it would trickle down her throat – get her coughing – cursing –
Anything was better than her blank, empty stare and the relentless rocking.
The entire time, I spoke to her in a gentle voice.
“We’re safe now. I’m not gonna let anything like that ever happen again, I promise. I fucked up – I let my guard down and I should’ve known better. Everything that happened is on me, not you, okay? I fucked up, and you saved my life. Thank you. You saved me, baby… and it’s gonna be okay… I promise I’m going to keep you safe from now on – ”
Suddenly, she twitched.
