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So I decided not to go there.
But I did have another objection. Her saying ‘bitch’ reminded me of it.
“You curse at inappropriate times.”
“Ohhhhhhh… so I’m ‘inappropriate,’ am I,” she said in a mock sympathetic voice, nodding like she deeply empathized with my plight. “I use bad words ‘inappropriately.’ If only I could learn to use them appropriately – like you! – then you might approve of me, huh?”
“You called your grandmother a bitch.”
Lucia scrunched up her face in shocked outrage. “No, I didn’t!”
“Yes, you did.”
“WHEN did I call my grandmother a bitch?”
“On your cell phone message.”
“What?!”
“You said something like, ‘Leave a message, bitch!’”
Lucia burst out laughing.
I glared at her.
“I wasn’t calling her a bitch, dumbass – I was quoting a television show. Or paraphrasing it, if you wanna get technical. Plus, technically, I’m calling everybody a bitch who listens to the message, so it wasn’t specifically my grandmother I was calling a – ”
“What television show?”
“‘Breaking Bad,’” she said, then started talking in English like a stoner. “This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed… bitch!”
I looked at her like she had grown a second head.
“Jesse Pinkman?… Walter White?… ‘I am the one who knocks’?!” She seemed shocked by my ignorance. Then she rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe you don’t know ‘Breaking Bad.’”
“I don’t have time to watch TV.”
“It’s on Netflix, not TV – and it’s an old fucking show, dude. I watched it when I was, like, twelve.”
“What’s it about?” I asked. I had never heard of this American concept of breaking bad things. Or bad breaks, or whatever.
“It’s about this high school chemistry teacher in America who gets cancer and starts cooking meth with a student of his,” she said nonchalantly.
I looked at her in horror. “You watched that when you were twelve?!”
She snorted. “You probably killed a dude when you were twelve.” Then she narrowed her eyes and leaned towards me like a district attorney. “Didn’t you.”
“NO,” I said defensively.
“What – thirteen, then? Fourteen?”
“No – ”
“Fifteen?”
“…sixteen,” I grumbled.
She rolled her eyes again and shook her head in disgust. “And you have the fuckin’ nerve to lecture ME on what I watch and how I speak. Fuckin’ typical Italian male chauvinistic bullshit.”
