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She glared at me, then finally answered, “NATO. NATO could have gotten you out.” She paused. “…maybe.”
I just looked at her.
“So you’re working with NATO?” she asked crossly.
“I can neither confirm nor deny,” I said, attempting a joke.
I wasn’t working with NATO, but I hoped she might accept that as a possibility and move on.
She didn’t.
“Then why haven’t I heard about it through work?” she demanded.
“Maybe because they don’t tell you everything,” I said, letting my irritation get the best of me.
That made her even colder. “They tell me a hell of a lot more than you are right now.”
“Go ahead and report me, then,” I snapped.
I knew that Alistair would squelch any inquiries she made, so I wasn’t worried.
The fact that I was so confident threw her. She looked uncomfortable, like I was calling her bluff.
“…I will.”
“Good,” I snapped. “Maybe then you’ll stop hounding me about this.”
She just glared at me.
I shook my head in irritation. “You don’t trust me at all, do you?”
“I don’t trust anybody,” she said coldly.
That was like a punch to the gut.
For a second, I felt desperate to connect with her – and I let down my guard.
“I love you, Rachel,” I said quietly.
“And I love you, too,” she said, just as chilly as before. “But a week ago, you were a soldier in the Swedish military. Now you’re… I have no idea what the fuck you are now.”
I’d let myself be vulnerable, and she’d thrown it back in my face.
I began to get angry again.
“I’ve never known what you do – some spy shit. That was it. But you told me I couldn’t ask, so I didn’t – ”
“Yeah, but as I keep reminding you, you KNEW what you were getting into from the very beginning. You had to agree to it upfront for our relationship to go anywhere. I never signed up for you lying to me.”
“I’m not lying to you!”
“Okay, then – withholding information.”
“This is so like you,” I snarled. “YOU can do whatever you want, and I have to trust you 100 percent – but it doesn’t go both ways, does it?”
“I told you, I don’t trust anyone – ”
“YOU HAVE TO!” I shouted. Then I got ahold of myself. “At some point, if we’re going to make a life together, you HAVE to trust me.”
