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I shoved the ring in my pocket and walked away from the river.
I don’t remember the rest of that evening. All I know is I woke up in a shitty hotel with an empty bottle of vodka and the worst hangover I’d ever had.
And then I remembered why I’d gotten drunk, and I was overwhelmed with the worst grief I’d ever had. Even worse than losing my mother.
But I remembered the ring.
I panicked as I shoved my hand in my pocket –
It was still there.
I pulled it out, looked at it for a long moment… then searched for the necklace, which was in the other pocket.
With unsteady fingers from my hangover, I threaded the necklace through the ring and put it back around my neck. I felt the cold metal against my skin like a reminder of what I had to remember.
Never forget:
When you have the shot… TAKE THE SHOT.
109
After I got some greasy diner food and was feeling about 25% human again, I called Gunnar.
“How did it go?” he asked excitedly.
“…it didn’t.”
There was a long silence, followed by, “Oh shit… oh man, Lars… I’m so sorry…”
I thought about not telling him the next thing because it hurt like hell to say it – but I needed to accept it and move on.
“She’s engaged to somebody else.”
“…fuck…”
I thought about saying, You were right, Gunnar. You should have contacted her first.
Or maybe, I never should have looked her up in the first place.
But I knew those thoughts were bullshit. They were the coward’s way out and a lie.
The truth was, I would’ve never been able to stay away from her.
As long as there was a chance, then I would’ve taken it.
I would’ve had to know for sure.
It hurt like hell finding out like I did, but it was over. The bullet had been cut out of the wound. I could heal now.
But… I did have one request.
“Do me a favor,” I said, “and never mention her name to me again.”
“Okay…” Gunnar said mournfully. “Are you still going to come see me?”
“Yeah. I’ll let you know when I get my ticket – but I need to take care of a couple of things first.”
“Okay. I’m really, really sorry, Lars.”
