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“Oh, I’m just wonderful.”
Now he seemed to understand.
But rather than comfort me, it felt like he started to attack me.
“Why are you wasting a second thought on him?!” Alistair demanded. “He left you – he abandoned you!”
“He was in prison,” I snapped. “In Milan, of all places!”
He’d been in fucking Italy.
Not halfway around the world in China, or South Africa, or Argentina –
But fucking Italy.
Just 600 miles away.
Alistair scoffed. “He’s probably lying.”
“It’s easy enough to check, isn’t it?” I asked angrily. “Why the fuck couldn’t you find him if he was in Italy?”
Alistair looked uneasy. “Like I said, he’s probably lying – ”
“But what if he’s not?!”
“I’ll find out,” he said grumpily.
“And he said Gunnar was looking for me! If that was the case, why couldn’t you find him?”
“If a Chinese spy is looking for you, that doesn’t mean – ”
“STOP SAYING THAT!” I yelled. “You’ve been saying that forever, but there’s no proof!”
“Then why wouldn’t he tell you who he worked for?” Alistair shot back.
I didn’t have an answer for that.
I just turned and started up the stairs.
“Rachel,” he said angrily.
I ignored him.
“Rachel!” he yelled after me.
“I want to be alone,” I said dully, and shut the bedroom door behind me.
I didn’t go down for dinner. I’d completely lost my appetite.
I just lay there in bed and stared into space.
I thought a little about what Lars’s life must have been like over the last three years…
But mostly I was just numb. Like I was dead inside.
Alistair came up after 10 o’clock, undressed, and got into bed beside me.
He put his hand on my shoulder. “Rachel…”
