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My heart is broken. That’s what this ache in my chest is, right? The searing pain is the last bit of hope that Yakov and I will get through this going up in flames.
Mariya leads me from the kitchen by the hand. “The staff have enough to gossip about after the shitshow last night,” she explains.
She takes me back to my room. Or, Yakov’s room, I suppose. Soon enough, we won’t be sharing it. He’ll have it all to himself again.
It’ll be like this never happened.
A fresh wave of tears nearly brings me to my knees.
“Sit down,” she orders, taking me to the edge of the bed. “I’ll get you some tissues and water.”
She goes into the bathroom and comes back a minute later. I look up and she has two white pregnancy tests in her hands. Her face is creased. “Luna.”
Reality crashes down on me all at once. I drop my face in my hands and Mariya rushes to my side. She hugs me tight.
“It will be okay. Everything will be alright,” she whispers again and again. “You’re okay.”
Except, I’m not.
Nothing is okay.
I’m not sure anything will ever be okay again.
Yakov wants me to leave. He can’t wait for me to be out of his hair so his life can go back to normal. But my life… I don’t even know what “normal” is. Because the life I had before Yakov isn’t possible. I can’t go back to my apartment and job and forget he exists. I’ll never be able to go on a date with another man without comparing them to Yakov. They won’t stand a chance. My life has been turned upside down and twisted into a new, unrecognizable shape. It can’t ever go back.
Mariya strokes her hand down my back. “Is this about the baby?”
“Yes,” I hiccup. “No. I mean, it’s about everything.”
“Have you told Yakov?”
I swipe at my eyes, but it’s no use. The tears keep coming. “I tried, but he… he didn’t want to hear it.”
Mariya groans. “He can be so stubborn when he’s mad. He likes to ice people out. Believe me, I know.”
“It’s more than that. He wasn’t just talking about last night. He was talking about the entire time we’ve known each other… Everything.”
“What did he say?”
I try to repeat the words that are still ripping through my chest, but I can’t force them out of my mouth. I shake my head. “He doesn’t care about me.”
“Bullshit.”
I shrug. “It’s what he said.”
“Okay. Well, earlier, you said you hadn’t taken the pregnancy tests yet.” She holds the tests in front of my face. “People can say whatever they want. It doesn’t make it true.”
“That’s different. This is different. He meant it, Mariya.”
“No. Absolutely not. How can you even think that?”
“Because none of this ever made any sense!” I cry out. “I was just some nervous, rambling loser who walked up to him in a restaurant. My ex-boyfriend was a drugged-up cretin, but he cheated on me. So it doesn’t make sense that someone like Yakov could want me.”
Mariya frowns. “Luna, that’s fucking tragic.”
“Tell me about it,” I mumble.
“No, it’s tragic that you actually believe that shit.”
