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“You know why they can’t be here,” I say. “It isn’t safe.”
“It’s safe enough for Nik to be here. I don’t see why it’s not safe enough for the girls.”
I can’t explain this to her again. Every time I explain why my sister and pregnant fiancée can’t be here with me, it’s like tearing open a wound. It’s admitting that, on some level, I’ve failed.
I can’t keep the mansion safe enough.
I can’t protect my family in the ways I wish I could.
I can admit that shit to myself, but I don't want to fucking say it aloud again.
Thankfully, I don’t have to.
“It isn’t safe enough for me,” Nik clarifies. “It’s not safe enough for any of us.”
Our mother frowns. “Then we shouldn’t be here.”
“If we leave, we could lose the mansion,” he explains, understanding the stakes without me ever having to explain a word to him. “If we go underground and stop hunting him, Pavel will be free to track us all down. He’ll be free to find Luna and Mariya.”
“Then we hide with them,” she proclaims. “We all go to the safehouse. Then when he attacks, we’re all together.”
“All together in a fucking hole in the ground,” Nik fires back. “No one wants to attack from a valley. You want to be on the mountain. Yakov knows we need to maintain our position here while we hide our most vulnerable at the safehouse.”
Our mother lifts her chin. I can see the war inside of her, wanting to argue, but also taking pride in not being listed amongst the vulnerable. She is, of course. Luna is pregnant and I’d still bet on her in a fight over my mother. But if I sent my mother into an underground bunker with Mariya for any length of time, both of their lives would be in jeopardy.
Eventually, she turns and leaves without saying a word.
“I just earned you an hour of peace before she recharges,” Nik mumbles. “Use it wisely.”
Sometimes, I forget just how much my little brother has grown up. Just how much he has learned. But he’s wrong—there is no peace. Not when Luna is hiding and Pavel is hunting her.
How much longer before Pavel figures out where she is? How much longer before he gives up hunting Luna and goes after Nik or our mother instead?
He got through my state-of-the-art security once before. He could do it again.
I feel like I’m being drawn and quartered, pulled in every direction. No matter which way I go, something else falls apart. For the first time in my life, I’m worried I can’t do it all.
The question is, who is going to die if I fail?
43
LUNA
Dr. Jenkins doesn’t say a word as he steps through the door of our bunker and places his bag on the exam table. If I thought he was cold before, he’s become downright icy over the last week. I’m getting used to the silent treatment.
Every day, he comes down to check on me, moving through the process on autopilot. The only reason I know my blood pressure is still a little high is because he brought me a prescription last week. I had to directly ask what it was for before he explained himself. If I hadn’t, I’m not sure he would have told me anything.
The time for inviting him to spend time with me and Mariya is long over. Dr. Jenkins isn’t happy being trapped here and he isn’t afraid to make that known.
He straps a blood pressure cuff on my arm and presses two cold fingers to my inner wrist. I sit patiently while he counts, staring down at his watch for the time. I’m waiting for him to silently slip the cuff off and reach for the doppler the way he usually does…
But he doesn’t move.
Dr. Jenkins’ brow furrows. He refits my blood pressure cuff and presses his fingers to my pulse point again.
“Is… is everything okay?” I venture.
He stares at his watch. I can see him counting in his head.
