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I crunched on the ice, gaze darting. “Fridge. Door. Stove. Chairs. You.” Crunch crunch crunch.
“Perfect. Four things you can touch.”
Luca led me through the exercise, working the numbers lower through things I could hear, smell, and taste. I was shaking by the time we finished, but at least I could breathe.
He gathered me onto his lap, dragging a blanket off the edge of the couch to wrap around me. “Do you want me to take you up to your nest?”
“You can’t?—”
“I won’t go in it. But if it would make you feel better, I’ll help you get upstairs.”
I shook my head, tucking myself under his chin. “Not yet.”
“Okay.” He swept his hand down my back in a soothing, rhythmic motion. “You don’t have to tell me today, but I’d like to know what triggered it so I can avoid whatever I did in the future.”
I nodded, exhaustion sinking into my limbs. “It was the squish.”
“The squish?”
“You—” I swallowed hard. “You didn’t get off right away. It’s…happened before. I couldn’t get up. Couldn’t breathe. It reminded me of then.”
A couple of times at my club job, security had had to step in with alphas who thought money made it so the rules didn’t apply to them. Whether they’d wanted to play rougher than I allowed, didn’t stop when I said so, or turned into human-shaped anvils after coming, it all resulted in a shit time for me. Security had gotten more proactive since the first incidents, but apparently I wasn’t over it.
Luca nuzzled my hair with his cheek, pressing a kiss to my head. “I’m so sorry. I’ll be more careful.”
“Okay.” I had no reason not to believe him. He was far too sincere.
“How about this, I’ll help you get ready for bed, do any last-minute chores you need doing, prep you some things for breakfast in the morning, and you can get some sleep? I’ll head out as soon as you’re settled.”
Somehow I’d expected him to ask to stay the night even though we’d established a rule against sleepovers. Part of me wanted him to want to stay over, and another rebellious part wanted me to ask him to stay. I snuggled in deeper. I was so tired. There was still clean up, my nightly yoga, and morning prep to finish. I should get up and do it myself. Send him away so I could wallow, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“Luna?”
“You can leave everything. I’ll clean tomorrow.” My voice sounded as exhausted as I felt.
“It’ll only take me a few minutes,” he replied. Luca scooped me up and set me on the couch, dragging another throw over me. “Wait right here and I’ll wipe down the mats.”
I watched blankly while he did that, meticulously tidying until the mats gleamed.
“What’re you feeling for breakfast? Want me to dig through the fridge and come up with something you can toss in the microwave?”
“I always have oatmeal. Steel cut in the slow cooker.”
Luca nodded and instantly went searching through the cupboards for supplies. I tucked the blankets up to my chin while he greased the slow cooker and dutifully mixed a portion of oats with milk and water, adding a sprinkle of cinnamon, dash of vanilla, and a pinch of salt along with a generous spoon of brown sugar.
“Banana and blueberry all right?”
I nodded.
Luca mashed up a banana and added it to the mix before washing a handful of blueberries, drying those, and adding them to a container so I could top my breakfast in the morning. “There we go. Let me set that on low for you. Should I help you get ready down here or do you prefer your bathroom upstairs?”
“You don’t have to do all of this.”
“Listen, you need a little extra support after a panic attack and I’m going to give it. Those aren’t just in your brain, you know. Your whole body gets hit by them, so we need to respond like we would if you actually just went through the original trigger, okay? Let me help you.”
I chewed my bottom lip.
When I didn’t reply, Luca disappeared into the main-floor bathroom and got the shower running. I kept a decent stock of supplies there, though all of my fancy items were upstairs. Luca bundled me into the steam, dropped the blankets to the wayside, and climbed into the water with me, keeping a steady arm wrapped around my waist. The water felt like heaven. I stayed placid and malleable while Luca washed me up. He sat me on the edge of the tub so he could scrub the shampoo through my hair, taking extra care to add a scalp massage that had me purring softly.
