Page 19 of Gangsta


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The moment he left, it was like the wind was sucked out of me. It seemed like everyone knew that something was up between us, and I wasn’t feeling that shit at all. It took Fawn to break me out of my slump, and once she did, it was up from there.

I continued to the freezer section to get some Blue Bell strawberry ice cream. I normally went for the Neapolitan because I could get strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla at once, but they were out. I loved the strawberry for the fruit chunks in it. When I got to the register, I grabbed a pack of gum and paid for my items.

When my phone chimed, I hoped it was Joel texting me the address. I needed to go to Academy to get bullets. I was gonna take that muthafucka out, and my mama had better hope she wouldn’t be next. Her explanation was weak as fuck. She must have forgotten that Yunique and I knew Yonkers. While Yunique knew him better than I did, I could remember his anger and what it felt like. The entire house would be on edge.

However, whenever I was with Joel, I remembered how much he loved us, especially my mom. She had to know that Yonkers would have killed Mo for touching one of his daughters. I couldn’t understand how she could let him get away with hurting me. By the time I got to my car, I was crying all over again and nearly jumped the fuck out of my skin when someone touched my shoulder.

When I turned to see Joel, I quickly turned back, attempting to get in my car. “Yo, Keondra. What’s up wit’chu? Why you crying and wanting to get at Mo?”

He grabbed my arm, preventing me from escaping his questioning. That only pissed me off, so I came out swinging. “Oh, so you sensitive enough to care now? Are you high, nigga?”

He frowned and released my arm. Fuck him. After last Sunday, I wasn’t in the mood to be around him… not after this shit my sister dropped on me. I got in my car and pulled the gun from the console to make sure he saw it. I pulled the clip from it to see I had roughly about four bullets left. I looked at the window to see he was still standing there.

I lowered my head to the steering wheel and cried more as he knocked on the window. “What?” I screamed that shit out. I was irritable, and I felt like I was losing my mind. “Don’t you have somebody to go fuck?” I asked as I looked up at him, tears streaming down my face.

He finally walked away, so I cranked my engine then looked at my phone to see the text was from Sasha and not Joel. Fuck! He wasn’t going to give it to me. I’d get it from Jungle then. I backed out of the parking spot and sped off, heading to my loft. That was probably best anyway. I’d go get bullets when I calmed down. I was way too emotional right now. While I was angry about what Mo did to me, I was angrier with Yunique and my mama.

My phone started ringing, and when I saw Yunique’s name, I answered. “What?”

“Keke, I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would affect you the way it did since you didn’t remember. I just wanted y’all to know how that shit had been tormenting me for years. I took my anger out on the hood instead of placing it where it belonged. Mo will rot in hell for what he did. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Maybe you can talk to my therapist. Come spend time with me in Tallahassee.”

When I exited the loop and sat at the traffic signal, I closed my eyes and blew out an exasperated breath. “Yunique, fuck you.”

I ended the call then continued to my place. She was calling back, and I refused to answer. She could go to hell and drag Karen with her. I wondered if my stepdad, Ghost, knew about this. His ass worked with Ice at one time too. He knew Mo, Gutta, my daddy, Joshua… all those muthafuckas. Ghost had gotten locked up and was locked up when Ice got killed. My mind was racing with possibilities.

I parked in my spot and glanced in my rearview mirror to see that Joel had followed me home. I huffed loudly then grabbed my bag from the store and my purse. When I got out, he put his window down. “Tell me where to park.”

I glanced at the security guard as he watched us. Joel had better be glad I wasn’t petty enough to get his ass arrested. “Right there,” I said, pointing to the empty spot in the visitor parking area.

He lifted his window and backed up to park as I waited for him. When he got out, I had to scan his body in his wind pants and T-shirt. My eyes wanted to close so badly. I wanted to feel his body on top of mine, taking away all the hurt. Giving him a couple of my gummies had crossed my mind, just so I could get sensitive Joel from last Saturday night back.

However, I knew I would probably end up putting him the fuck out of my place. When he got close, I walked off, allowing him to just follow me. He didn’t say a word. I didn’t know why he cared all of a sudden. He was obviously preparing for a fuck appointment with all the condoms he’d bought.

Once I got to my loft and had gotten my keys from my bag to unlock the door, Joel stood closely behind me. I swore all my hair was standing. Feeling his body so close to mine had me about to explode. Still, he didn’t say a word, and neither did I. I opened the door, and after he walked in, I closed and locked it.

“You have a nice place,” he said while looking around.

The open floorplan was what I liked most, which was my reason for getting a loft in the first place. I glanced at him as I went to the kitchen to pour myself a drink. “Why are you here?”

He walked over to the island and stared at me until I had to look away. That was different. He was the one usually looking away. “I felt like you could use somebody… anybody. I know you don’t want me around and shit, because I make yo’ ass itch, but I figured I was better than nobody.”

I gave him the side-eye as I gulped my tequila. He chuckled as he approached me. “Why you wanna know where Mo at? For real.”

“I don’t feel comfortable telling you that.”

“Why not?” he asked as he moved even closer to me.

My breathing pattern changed, and I was more than sure he noticed. “Because you’re a jackass. You flip the script easily and blame it on me. I don’t have time for your menopausal mood swings.”

His eyebrows went up for a moment, then he frowned. “Did you say I was menopausal, like I got a pussy? Girl, you know damn well ain’t nothing about me pussy.”

“I really don’t know you, Joel. I don’t know Vegas either, but it seems he is the one that’s the jackass. Joel is who I got last Saturday night.”

He looked away then glanced back at me before walking to my sofa. I took a deep breath and joined him as my phone rang. I rolled my eyes before even looking at it. When I saw Karen’s name, I answered on speaker so Joel could hear what was going on. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel comfortable. I just didn’t want to verbalize it. Now that my mother was on the phone, I knew I would be able to put my anger at the forefront when I talked about it.

“Yes?”

“Keondra, Yunique called me. Do you know how hard it was for her to reveal that?”

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