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At the mention of food, my stomach rolls again, completely turned off by the thought. “Gods, no. If I even smell food, I’ll hurl.”
“Well, like it or not, we need to get something in you before your blood sugar levels drop so far you go into a coma. Besides, your wolf needs the nourishment if she’s going to be strong enough to continue healing you.”
“What do you mean, continue? I thought I was pretty well healed from ... what happened.”
Axel caresses my shoulders, relaxing the tension that builds with the memories returning from that night. “You are, Riley, but you’re also going through withdrawal as well. You’ve gone through months of withdrawal in a week. Just like everything else about us is accelerated, so is the withdrawal process. Which is why you were unconscious for most of it. It took a lot out of you and your wolf, another reason why it is so dangerous for shifters to go through the process. She needs rest and nourishment. That’s also why—other than feeling weak and a little off kilter from the lack of proper nourishment—you feel fine.”
Looking inward, I take stock, only to find he’s right. I do feel fine. I’m not in writhing pain anymore. I don’t feel like I’m burning from the inside out. I’m nauseous and weak, but other than that, I’m truly and blissfully fine.
Thank you, I whisper-think to my wolf.
Mates, is her only reply. However, I can feel the lust and roaring heat that runs through my veins. Settling in my core. My wolf is ready to truly mate with her mates.
Are you fucking serious? We woke up for the first time in a week, and all you can think about is fucking five guys. Gods, you are such a hussy.
With what I can only assume to be the equivalent of a wolfish grin and wink, she just shrugs her wolfy shoulders at me with a grin and wink. As if to say, Yeah, what of it?
I snort, and five sets of eyes land on me with a mix of amusement and concern on their faces. “Nothing to see here. Just an internal dialog with my wolf. Move along.”
They all smile and laugh at that. Gods, what a sight to see.
Chapter 21
RILEY
It’s been three days since I woke from my withdrawal-induced “semi-coma.” Cree told me to take time off and heal from the stress of it all, not that I really wanted time to sit around and ponder the shit-show that is my life. I know he means well, but letting someone who escaped reality with pills and alcohol sit around alone to think is a really bad idea.
After two days of my ups and downs, Axel tried to explain to me and the others the symptoms of withdrawal that I’m going through. To be honest, I sort of tuned him out after about five seconds. I couldn’t handle all the technical stuff and really wanted to sleep. I believe that’s the depression stage he was starting to talk about.
Even though the worst of it is over, I’m still dealing with the mental backlash. All the things I never wanted to deal with, I now have to. All the fucking hell of every loss, every bad choice I ever made, every heartbreak and betrayal. I just want it to stop, but without my crutch to lean on, I can’t. And it’s been making me more distant than ever. The guys don’t make that easier on me, either, which only serves to make me more irrational and vindictive.
They never leave me here alone, always making sure one of them is around to babysit at all times. It’s as if they don’t trust me to be left to my own devices; they think I’ll slip up. I know they're probably right and am grateful for the safeguard they’re providing. However, my irrational mind and emotions are pissed the fuck off.
These guys are supposed to be my fucking mates, right? Shouldn't that come with a level of trust? They want me to open up to them, to share the scars of my past. To put my fragile, broken trust in them, yet they don’t show me any in return. That’s not how it works. This is all just fucking bullshit. How can they be my mates if they can’t trust me in return? Simple, they’re not my mates. Now I just have to keep telling myself that, and maybe I’ll believe it.
Mates. Yes, my mates. My wolf has been on this kick the last three days. Reminding me they’re my mates, and they’re the reason I made it through the worst of the withdrawal. When I asked what she meant by that, she told me about how they stayed with me, and as my mates, they were able to lend me their strength and take some of my pain to lessen the stress on my body and her.
No. They don’t trust us. Not mates.I protest this time. I really can’t see how they could be my mates if there’s no trust.
There’s a knock at my bedroom door, they never knock at the front door since Reed gave them all keys. Not having to look; I know it’s Enzo by the harshness of the knock. Oh, and not to mention the yelling on the other side. Seriously, what the fuck?
“Riley, open this fucking door before I take it off its hinges.” Right, did I not mention that I haven’t left this bedroom in three days, either? With their need to be near their ‘mate,’ it’s driving them and their beasts to insanity. They try to bring me meals three times a day, but I won’t answer, so they leave the plates outside my door. I don’t even let them see me. Irrational and vindictive, that’s me.
Another bang at the door has it rattling on its hinges. “Fucking hell, Enzo. Chill the fuck out. I’m coming.” The last thing I need is no way of locking them out. In more ways than one. The door has become not only a physical barrier, but an emotional one as well, and I cannot let him break it down. I’ve come to rely on the comfort that being close to them brings me, which is dangerous, and I need to put an end to it before we all get hurt.
I unlock the door, turn, and walk over to the bed and climb back under the covers. Enzo busts through the large wooden barrier. “What do you want, Enzo?” My face remains uninterested in his reason for barging into my room, but inside, I’m a basket case. My palms are sweaty and vibrating with wild, nervous energy. Enzo hasn’t allowed himself to be alone with me since that moment we shared almost two weeks ago. A moment I recall in vivid color.
“You need to get the fuck out of this room, Riley,” Enzo barks before taking a deep breath and releasing it in one aggressive exhale. I open my mouth to retort but am cut off by his next words. “I’m worried about you, Riley. You’ve been sitting alone in the dark for three days.”
I can see the vulnerability in his eyes as emotions I can’t label flit across his face. It took a lot for him to say he was worried about me, for that reason alone, I won’t bark back at him for barging in here like an asshole alpha douche.
I place a small smile on my face as I quip, “I have the light on.”
He rolls his eyes at me—fucking rolls his eyes. What a teenage girl move. “Not the fucking same as getting out, Riley, you know that. What you’re doing isn’t healthy for you or your wolf. You’re supposed to be healing, and part of that is rejoining society. You can start by eating dinner—with us. You know as well as the rest of us your wolf needs the companionship. Wolves are pack animals; they don’t do well on their own.”
Sitting up quickly, I flip the covers down. “I’m fine, Enzo. I just want to be alone. I’m not ready to be out there. Not yet.”
“No, you really aren't, Riley. But ...”
