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He hums, his hand moving again as he asks, "Why?"
I sigh. "Turns out I was three weeks pregnant."
He stills again before forcing me to look at him by placing two fingers underneath my chin, tilting my head up, his eyes darkening with anger. "Explain, Olivia."
I swallow hard. "I was working at the bakery when I got this immense pain in my lower stomach, like really bad period pain. My jeans were covered in blood. Florence took me to the E.R., where, thankfully, Doc wasn't working that day, and I was told I had miscarried."
He slowly closes his eyes, placing his forehead against mine, rasping, "I'm so sorry, Livvy."
I shrug, making him look at me. My eyes soften, seeing the hurt in his and I whisper, "I know it sounds bad, but I didn't know, so it didn't hurt as much as it would have if I was further along. I didn't have a chance to fall in love with it. My heart still hurt, but that baby, it didn't have a heartbeat yet, and I-I just don't think it was meant to be."
He nods, and I grip his shirt. His eyes race between mine before he slowly moves in, and I know I should shove him away—I know it but I'm an idiot who's missed his touch.
His lips touch mine in a gentle kiss, testing the waters, before he tilts my head and slowly licks the seam of my lips. I open for him before his tongue tangles with mine, my heart racing at how right this feels before a sickening feeling overtakes me.
He's working things out with his wife.
That thought stops me instantly and I break the kiss. That doesn’t deter him, though.
He gently kisses my nose, and then my forehead before he rasps, "Lay back down on me, Freckles. Get some sleep. I'll watch our girl."
I swallow hard and nod, then place my head on his chest, my heart breaking because I know that come morning, I need to put distance between us.
He's not mine. He never was. He's always been hers.
12
Smokey
I gently run my fingers through my girl's hair as she sleeps curled up on my lap, my gaze focused as I watch my Little Red. She woke up during the night her eyes brimming with tears at being in the strange room, but then she saw me. Thankfully, the chair I'm on is next to her bed, my feet on the bottom of it as Livvy lays down on my chest.
I grabbed April's hand and hummed to her, helping her go back to sleep. Then I nodded off for a few hours with my girls near me.
Now it's nearly lunchtime, both my girls are still asleep, and I'm so fucking worried about when Livvy wakes. Last night, she finally fucking kissed me back after giving me the shattering news of her losing my child, a child I didn't even know about because she didn't tell me.
It's hard to be mad at her, though. It was fresh after the BBQ; she'd just found out I was married, and then, what was the point after that? She couldn't change the outcome, and neither could I, and I'm not stupid. I know she only told me, so we didn't talk about us.
I just wished she never lost the baby because at least then we would have something deeper and more enduring connecting us.
I gently kiss Livvy's forehead as the door opens and Doc enters. I give him a smile, his eyes looking tired, no doubt there’s one person on his mind.
I ask, "Heard from Ken yet?"
He sighs, grabbing April's chart, but shakes his head. "Nope. No one has."
I nod, leaving it at that, knowing it's hard for him. Prue, his fling of two months, told him she was pregnant after he finally had Kennedy, his sister's best friend and the love of his life. The problem was he never wanted Prue, always wanted Kennedy, but didn't realize how much she wanted him, so he stayed clear. He planned to end things with Prue when he realized Ken felt the same way he did, until Prue announced he would be a father. He then decided, like an idiot, to announce to the whole club and Kennedy, but without looking at her, that Prue was now his old lady, and they were about to be a family. Kennedy left after that.
Not that I blame her; Doc lied to her about ending things with Prue, and she gave him her virginity.
Livvy stirs, bringing my attention back to her, and I still hope she doesn't jump off me, but my hope disappears because that's exactly what she does, and I suddenly feel cold. I ache like a bitch, but I don't care, I need her back on me.
Sighing, I rasp, "Freckles…" but she shakes her head.
"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you and took comfort in you. I shouldn't have." She clears her throat, not once looking at me. "You and I, we're not going to happen Smokey, I'm sorry for putting you in that predicament."
Anger shoots through me, and I know I have to get out of here and now before I shout at the woman I love. I stand up abruptly before gently kissing April's head, then walk up to Livvy. I stop beside her, place my mouth near her ear, and rasp, "You're going to lose me, darling." She flinches subtly, but I notice, and so does Doc because he nods. She does still want me, but for some reason she keeps pushing me away, and it's not because of the miscarriage; she said it herself, that baby was not meant to be. I sigh. "You keep pushing me away, and you'll lose me."
I kiss her head before leaving the room, trying to ignore the tears that started to trail her cheeks from the truth of my words. I notice the nurse from yesterday, who quickly looks down as I walk toward the elevators, ready to leave.
