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"Congratulations! That's so amazing. We should be celebrating. Why aren't we celebrating?"
"I'm conflicted," I said.
"Conflicted? What do you have to be conflicted about? This is everything you've been wanting since you started your career, isn't it? I mean, you talked about that interview for weeks. Shouldn't you be thrilled?"
"I guess I should be. It's just that now that I have it, I'm not really sure it's everything I thought it would be. Not to mention how much it's settling in that I would have to move five hours away from everything I know," I said. "Things have been going so great with Camden, but it's only been a couple of months. Would it be even feasible to think about something long-distance?" I asked.
"Kristen, this is your life. Yours. It doesn't belong to anyone else and shouldn't be modified to suit anyone else. Look at me. I'm over here anticipating the apparently imminent arrival of little baby Bergie Champagne, but I'm not going to ask you to rethink the possibility of taking that position so you can be my doula," she said.
That helped me manage to crack a smile. "I'll still be your doula. Labor will probably last a long time, so you can call me, and I'll head on over."
"Don't you curse me with that," she said. "I want a movie-style labor. My water breaks, four screams and a long push later, and I look perfect if slightly damp with a clean baby in my arms."
"Do you also want the baby to be about two months old?" I asked.
"I'll leave that up to chance," she said. "But seriously, Kristen. You need to think about this. I know how much you care about Camden. He's a great guy, and the two of you are awesome together. But you've worked so hard. At least talk to him about it. See what he has to say."
"We are getting together tomorrow night," I said. "I'll tell him then."
The next day I spent all morning and afternoon feeling stressed and anxious about seeing Camden. I couldn't put off talking to him about the offer. The job would start in just a couple of weeks, and there was a lot of preparation that would need to be done in order to make it happen if I did decide to take it. I just couldn't figure out how I was going to broach the subject with him.
Like I'd told Brianne, our relationship felt so good. It had only been a couple of months, but it felt like something real was happening, that we'd found something incredible, and I didn't want to ruin it. But it wasn't just the thought of leaving Camden behind that was making me hesitate when I thought about accepting the position. There was a lot of technology available, as well as cars and planes and all forms of transportation. We could make being apart work if we really wanted to.
It was the position itself that I wasn't totally sold on. Brianne was right when she said I'd been working hard for the job and had been really excited when I was asked to interview, but now that it was real, I'd been really thinking about what the position would entail. I was no longer sure it was really what I wanted it to be.
Camden had planned an amazing night for us, and I did my best to really sink into it and enjoy every minute rather than letting myself only think about the conversation we needed to have. But by the time we got back to my place, it was obvious he'd noticed my distraction.
"Are you all right?" he asked as I let us into the house.
"Yes, of course," I said. "This has been an amazing night. Thank you so much for planning it."
He took my hands and pulled me toward him in the middle of the living room. Pressing our hands to the center of his chest, he leaned in for a soft kiss.
"There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about. That's why I planned all this," he said.
"There's something I need to talk to you about, too," I said.
His face fell slightly as if anticipating bad news. "Okay. What is it?"
I walked over to the couch and sat down. He came with me, his eyes searching my face as I tried to piece together the words I needed to say.
"I was offered a new position," I finally blurted out.
"That's great," Camden said. "Slater's lucky to have you. Seems like they've figured that out."
I shook my head. "No. Not at Slater. At Van Hope University. It's a real professorship at a full university and comes with a lot of amazing perks and benefits."
"Oh," he said. "Wow. A real university. That's even better."
I was a bit surprised by the response. "It is?"
"Of course," he said. "Since the first time we talked about your career, you've told me you wanted to be a full professor and work somewhere bigger and with more opportunities."
"That's true, but I'm not sure I want to take it. The school is very fancy, and the students there …"
"You need to take it," Camden said quickly. "This is what you've been hoping for, Kristen. It's what you've put all your hard work and dedication into for so long. You're just having jitters because it's something different."
"It's more than a five-hour drive," I said.
